Hoyt Williams: Well Cliff let me tell you about it…..A long, long time ago there was a man. A simple man. A man who could barely talk. A man who was repulsive to look at. A man who was a waste of the very limited characters on twitter he would search and peck out. His name was AJ2. It was summertime in Jerusalem in the year of 0005. Belts were a new thing and all the rage, and everybody wanted one. Before belts people would often just walk around and have their pants fall off their waists exposing their peckers, lady bits, and butts. Lots of people unjustly ended up on the sexual predator registry simply because their pants would fall off at the worst possible times. Never do jumping jacks in the morning time without a belt as a school bus drives by.
A young son of Jerusalem puts his pants on one leg at a time only to watch them fall off his waist. This saddens him. All his life all he ever wanted was a solution to his falling pants.
AJ2: Awe naw my pants be fallen.
Mama Jones: Now son, what did I tell you about speaking properly?
AJ2: Naw, maw I don’t wants to, I like sounding like a fool. Besides my heros Hoyt Williams writes with terrible spellin, grammers, and syntax.
Mama Jones: Now AJ2 don’t be like that. What’s gotten you so worked up?
AJ2: My pants be saggin.
Mama Jones: You’re a trend setter, one day that might be all the rage.
AJ2: NO MAW all them girlies laugh at me.
Mama Jones: Hmmmmmm well AJ2 if you ever want to get something in this world you must find a solution.
Narrator [Hoyt]: A solution was on the horizon for young AJ2. You see the land was ruled by a religiously oppressive king known as Rishel. This strict and cruel man did everything he could in his power to stifle the voice of god, and all his decedents. He made priests and prophets jump through hoops just to get enough bread to feed their families. He hated religion so much he banned bingo. With belt fever sweeping the land and robes going out of style King Rishel announced to the people that he would hold a fighting tournament where the winner would receive a belt made of fool’s gold while the second place match up would win a glorious paramount belt! Synonyms for paramount are overriding, top, most important, utmost, dominant. Clearly this belt matters more than any other belt in the land. Young AJ2 knew what he had to do.
AJ2: I know what I’s got to do!
Narrator [Hoyt]: You see the tournament had two blocks. One for developmental talent, and the other for professionals. AJ under the stage name of Duce entered the developmental block.
AJ2 is seen in a montage fighting opponent after opponent and winning. His mom is seen in the crowd cheering him on as he moves closer to his belt dreams. All was going well until AJ lost when his pants fell down at the worst possible time and he was kicked in the head. Soon losses add up and it was clear AJ2 wasn’t going to win the fools gold belt and maybe not even the Paramount. AJ2 needed his arch enemy Little Lord DB to lose a match to have a shot at the paramount belt.
AJ2: I’m in some hot water now!
Narrator [Hoyt]: You see Cliff, AJ2 wasn’t the only one who needed a belt. A con man named Little DB was on a similar course. Little Lord DB would tell everyone how rich he was and how great his skills were.
A young man with great hair and terrible teeth stares at himself in the mirror. He wears a gold robe and seems to be in a well to do bedroom in the era of Christ.
Little Lord DB: Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the wealthiest and best of them all?
Mirror: That would be you my lord. The two-time belt champion and member of the HALL OF FAME!!!!
Narrator [Hoyt]: Well it was true he was a two champion and a member of the hall of fame it wasn’t the full story. It’s kinda like being 16, and the strongest kid in a class full of 6-year old children. There is no doubting his strength but given the talent pool and the times it really isn’t that impressive.
The little lord brushes his hair some more and smiles a crooked British smile.
Little Lord DB: I’m soooooo good nobody is going to stop me!! I want another belt to add to my fashion collection so I can keep telling people how greeeeat I am.
Mirror: Why don’t you just buy a new belt my lord?
Little Lord DB: Oh I’m so rich I’d rather just win it to prove how good I am.
Mirror: Seems foolish.
The little man smashes the mirror for questioning his plot hole.
We return to the kitchen where the two men Hoyt and Clive are now sipping on coffee.
Hoyt Williams: On the other side of the tournament in the professional block was a great and wonderous savior named HW. The tie lead to some confusion but being a selfless man, the savior decided to let one of his disciples go after the fool’s gold title while he would take on the Paramount title. He figured let the kid have SOME confidence. This gracious and kind move is an example of Thanksgiving derived from acts of kindness. Let the poor kid who’s never had a belt try for one all the while going for the real thing underneath you see. Fools go for fool’s gold, as the old expression goes.
Karen: I’ve never heard that expression before.
Karen who is now off the phone sits down at the table for the sermon.
Hoyt Williams: You need to read the book of AJ 2. So anyway, HW without any pouting gives up the main event and accepts the second to last match. AJ2 who is consumed by a false narrative of need, and Little Lord DB driven by greed somehow tie and neither refuses to simply walk away. None of them had the conviction and the piety of our savior HW. Therefore, we eat pie on thanksgiving as a reminder of HW’s piety and righteousness.
Karen rolls her eyes. The cat is still sleeping.
Hoyt Williams: Since both losers couldn’t come up with a compromise and King Rishel being a man of religious persecution he found that the best option was to put in the two sinners into a match with the hero HW lowering the man of God’s odds. He posted it on a FRIDAY and in black marker hence BLACK FRIDAY was born! Greed, corruption, confusion, and religious persecution is all at the core.
Clive: I never knew!
Hoyt Williams: It’s true the bible told me so. The king watched down from his perch as the three men fought. Little Lord DB fell first as greed is not a reason to win. If driven by greed you will end up with a black eye in a Walmart electronics department aisle at 5am trying to snag a TV for 200 bucks. Greed is the devils oil spot on the road in the race to eternity. AJ2 wasn’t driven by greed, but rather a false narrative. A false desire. It wasn’t a belt the man needed, it was the ability to listen. His mother was right he was a smart kid who just chose to be lazy. To speak poorly. To act childish. God needed to teach him a lesson to appreciate what he has and that every man should know their limits and ceilings.
HW was seeking the belt to better the land. To make miracles happen. A path of sharing letting lesser than him rise above him all the while maintaining a level of respect. A real champion. He overcame black Friday and taught us that life’s obstacles are nothing that can’t be over come if you just stick to who you are and be a good person. HW won and God was happy. AJ2 was given a robe so he never worried about a belt again and Little Lord DB was forgotten forever. So is written the book of AJ2.
The other worker hammers in the last plank and the display shelf is finished. The workers gets Hoyt who looks it over and approves it with a thumbs up. The two workers start heading up as Hoyt chases Meowru off the new display case which is a perfect cat jumping level.
Worker 2: Thanks for letting me do all the work.
Clive: What was I supposed to do? The guy is crazy and was ranting about shit that made no sense. Like it wasn’t even coherent. You got off lucky. The coffee also tasted weird.
Karen has Hoyt sit in his leather leather chair behind his desk with the display case behind him. She gets Ted, the on-site camera man to film so Hoyt can send in a promo for his match at the pay per view. They count him down and cue him to roll.
Hoyt Williams: I’m in a giving and thankful mood. So, Danny & Duce if and when I crucify your very souls at Genesis, on December 3rd, in that Philadelphia freedom, I will allow you passage into heaven a onetime only offer. Look me up and thank me when you get there, maybe we can make amends. Just know you’re going to go through hell to get to heaven because that’s how a vengeful God works. Duce you seem like a nice kid. You seem oddly respectful and although a little dopey a good guy. You would do wonders as a disciple of mine. I could see you running youth centers, giving hope to old ladies, and being a positive for your community. The problem is with all that swellness it leaves you very basic. To basic to be a Paramount champion. To basic to be anything more than a child living in your father’s shadows. Shaking hands, accepting loss, and working hard is perfect for a guy on a job doing right by the world. Wrestling isn’t a job Allen, it’s a war. Doing the right thing, and being a good guy gets you handshakes and regret, BUT NOT TITLES. I’m here to be CHAMPION. I should be the world champion however fate has dictated that I simply take the Paramount title and make it, well, Paramount to the industry. You get good when you get mad kid, and I hope your pissed. I want a fight, not a super dooper good time. Bring it bitch. Bring it, and after I beat you, don’t you dare shake my hand. I don’t want your weakness rubbing off on me. Your father was a loser. He never impressed me. I’ve been watching you since Japan and I have to say you just don’t have IT. Let me save you Duce. Join me. Beat down Danny B with me. Let’s make him pay. If you do that once I’m champion, I will allow you to exist. I may even help you like I did with Artoria. Maybe we can figure out how to get you IT. Time will tell Duce, but time is a ticking.
Hoyt knocks on his desk in rhythm with that of a ticking clock.
Hoyt Williams: Danny B a two-time world champion and you couldn’t even get out of the developmental block clean without bringing baggage. How sad is that? A tie for…second place? A hall of fame member? Man, if was on that board I would have that membership revoked. As a matter of fact, Danby once this thing is over and I’m holding the Paramount title I will make a deal with you, if you would like. I will give you a return match. My title for your hall of fame status. If you beat me you can once again be a champion if you lose you never, EVER, again get to call yourself a member of the CWF hall of fame as you’re a blight on its record. Now that real talent like myself is here, you are nothing but an over hyped memory. Great wrestler? Sure. You can work a hold kid, I get it. I’m pretty damn good at it myself, plus you add in the power of God and Danby, you ain’t got a chance. I hope you have a lot of memories from those two titles. I hope there is a warmth in your visions you can crawl into once I leave you cold and beaten. Danby in order for a true Genesis to occur the heroes and villains of the old testament must be redacted. What history is there of the world from before and during the stories of the bible? None. Because once a savior arrives everything else was and remains meaningless. Danby that means you are indeed meaningless. A soul lost, ready to face another loss. You should shake hands with Duce once it’s all over. You two could have a circle jerk of sportsmanship while I hold the title over the fallen body of the world champion establishing myself as GOD of CWF. For the prophecy is written. My time is now.
Hoyt points at the empty display case.
Hoyt Williams: All your wealth. All your training. All your worldly experiences can’t possibly prepare you for a biblical battle such as Genesis. You see CWF I am now your GOD and all will obey or be eradicated. For the book of Hoyt is of Paramount truth.
“In the Beginning God created heaven and the earth.”