Title: An Unexpected Occurrence
Featuring: Kyuseishu
Date: 10/31/19
Location: Chicago, IL
Show: Evolution 70


"And hard times are when a man has worked at a job for thirty years, thirty years, and they give him a watch, kick him in the butt and say "hey a computer took your place daddy", that's hard times!"

--Dusty Rhodes, “Hard Times Promo”

It’s Chicago, it’s cold, and it’s Halloween.  Snow falls like Freddie Styles win streak in the developmental Alpha block, as courageous little children with stupid parents brave the elements to get bags of candy tick-or-treating through the violent and corrupt windy city streets.

Warm in his apartment playing Rim World on his laptop is our savior Hoyt Williams.  His community in the game is going through trying times as a food shortage has struck just as spring begins.  Time to slaughter the animals and live off the meat while waiting for the crops to grow and food production to resume. 

Meowru Suzuki the emotional support cat of the son of God sits on the window ledge next to the overgrown cactus.  The cat is watching the funny flakes float down from the sky.  The cactus was a gift from his business manager Karen a few years ago when he returned to the states and has grown wild as Hoyt has no idea how to prune it. 

A cherry blossom scented candle burns giving the room a healthy glow, and a pleasant smell.  Hoyt is consumed with a raid striking down on his starving camp, as he franticly has his pawns dress in defensive clothing and grabbing their weapons.  War is upon them and Hoyt looks to take out the enemy with out losing any of the family. 

The call of hunger echoes from Hoyt’s stomach as he hasn’t eaten in about 7 hours. Engaged in battle and with starving pawns in the field Hoyt can’t be bothered with eating.  Glued to the game all day a lot of the real world around him is being neglected including a promo Hoyt was supposed to cut against JC. 

The invading pawns from the Hell’s Fire gang approach the wooden fort, and immediately throw Molotov cocktails at the walls starting a fire to the camps medical center.  Hoyt hadn’t planned for the fire as his pawns wait on the other end of the fort where they have set up a funnel into their base camp that would allow them to ambush their enemies.   The invading gang break in through the new hole in the wall as Hoyt scrambles to get his guys together as he watches his year stock of medicine burn. 

*Ding Dong*

Hoyt Williams: Damn it.  

Hoyt pauses the game hitting the space bar hard and stands up reveling a Silas Astoria shirt and CWF jogging shorts.  The Kyuseishu stretches for a moment and cracks his neck as he makes his way to the door grabbing a large tub of Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard 100% Whey protein powder from a table. 

The mean eyed cat hate’s Halloween with a passion, and always has.  Children and sexy women dressed in cat form is totally distasteful to the cat who finds the whole idea of it offensive in general.  Try dressing a cat in human clothing, and the cat will immediately try to take it off and bite who ever tries to put it back on them.  Cats have class and want no part of that human nonsense. Plus, you have kid’s throwing rocks at black cat’s because of tales bastardized by folk lore written by humans, for humans.   Also, the damn doorbell keeps ringing and that hurts a cat’s sensitive ears.


Hoyt opens the door only to be yelled at by two snot nosed kids dressed as Pokémon and their dopy pirate appareled parents.

Snot Nosed Kids: TRICK OR TREAT!!!!

The two kids whose faces are beat red from the cold open their pillowcases filled with their bounty of free candy.  Bad weather means less kids out, which means more candy being given out per house.  Basic kids’ math.  Hoyt takes a big scoop of Protein powder and pours a heaping helping in each kids pillow case.   

Hoyt Williams (unempathetically): Ohhhh space animals of some kind.  How cool. 

One kid gives Hoyt a dirty look as he looks at the powder all over his candy in his bag.  Hoyt catches the dirty look and assumes the kid is being greedy and didn’t get enough.  Feeling bad for the kid Hoyt heaps another scoop into the bag winking at the kid with a smile.  The kid still looks upset.

Hoyt Williams: Look kid this stuff of 60 bucks a bottle I don’t care how many sad looks you give me you’re not getting anymore.

Snot nosed kid 1: I want candy. 

The world freezes for a moment as the Bo Diddly beat of the 1965 hit song, which reached number 7 on the charts, “I want Candy” plays in his head.  He daydreams for a moment while bopping his head to the beat thinking about how much of American music was taken from the sound created by Bo Diddly.  Suddenly Hoyt realizes the song in his head isn’t the 1965 original but rather the 2000 Aaron Carter version.  He shakes his head in disgust as Hoyt decides to retort with some classic rock.

Hoyt Williams: You can’t always get what you want. 

The parent is taken aback by the big man’s moxie. 

Pirate Dad: It’s just unexpected.

Hoyt Williams: Well in life what you expect, and what you get are two very different things.  Like I’m sure these kids expected more intelligent parents than having their kids gallivanting around the neighborhood in 30-degree snowy weather.  They should expect to common sense from those who “care” for them. 

The dad wants to get chesty, but Hoyt Williams is a large and strong man

Pirate Mom: They were looking forward to this and wanted candy.

Hoyt Williams: I’m sure they would have been just as happy dressing up tomorrow, wrestling around the warm house, watching horror movies waiting for the CANDY STORK to drop off triple the amount of candy they had to freeze for tonight.  I don’t even have kids and I know that would have worked, and even if you are cheap and stupid you must know that tomorrow all the Halloween candy will be overstock and every Walgreens will market it down by 75%.  So yeaaaa a big back of candy for next to nothing and not making sick cold kids in the process. 

Hoyt looks the kid dead in the eye.

Hoyt Williams: Now your poor kids will never know the joys of the CANDY STORK!

Snot Nosed Kid 2: Wait mom, is that real?

Hoyt slams the door in their faces and puts the protein powder back where he grabbed it from.  Suddenly he remembers he must contractually cut a CWF promo, so he turns on the camera and sits down at his desk looking into the camera. 

Hoyt Williams: JC this blog is for you! When history looks back on your career Joseph, they will talk about how good of a run it was.  How he did so well and managed to win so much.  All of that being true. We’re both accomplished professionals no reason to deny it.

Your Personal Jesus looks at his laptop and wants to get back to his game.

Hoyt Williams: They will talk about your rise, your peak, and seemingly they will brush over your fall.  It isn’t histories job to remember what could have been, history is nothing more than a positive short narrative spun in happy thoughts. History if told by the favorable, paints a picture of only the good; but WE JC, WE, will remember our flaws, our missteps, and our could have been moments as that’s what great men do.  It’s the curse of age we both stand to face as our bodies start failing us, and the end is near. How dare you make me think about age JC.  You want to legacy build and put a bow on your career so you can tell the grand kids what a star you were.

Hoyt takes a sip of holy water and smiles.

Hoyt Williams: Like Robert Kraft in an Asian massage parlor guys like you want to think the world has a happy ending.  That all stories tie up with a nice bow and a Cadillac to go.  That somehow, if you do everything right, keep a clean nose, and your head on a swivel that fate and the laws of the universe will somehow align to your wishes.  One final run, a hot younger wife, and a title to show the world you still got it one last final time.  That’s cute.  But I come from a land called reality, and JC, happy ending are for fairy tales and Hollywood movies. 

Hoyt slams his fist down on the desk causing the cat to jump.  The saviors steel gray eyes pierce the soul through the camera lens of anybody watching the promo.

Hoyt Williams: The bible ends with Revelations and a violent sad ending to our world. The only ones saved our the few who still believe in a GOD that allows such pain and destruction in the first place. It’s hypocrisy, which is exactly what life is. But understand who my father is JC, because Jesus got Crucified and that was his first son.  What we think we know; is not how it tends to be. Bill Cosby was a pervert and he once was America’s dad.  Ringling Brothers ceases to exist, something my childhood mind never would have comprehended. Hillary didn’t become the first woman President despite what the polls said.  My mother was murdered at a young age.  Cancer seems to take everyone else I know.  2/3 of marriages end in divorce no matter how happy they start.  Politics are corrupt. Hollywood is perverse.  The news is a lie, and everybody dies.  That’s the way it goes. That’s truth.  Corporations force old timers out before they must pay the full pension because nobody wants an old man dragging down profits.  People work a lifetime meticulously planning out the end game, only to find that the unexpected occurred, because happiness is nothing but a word.  JC in your happy ending of a final run as world champion I am indeed your unexpected occurrence.    You see as much as a title run means to me, destroying dreams of guys like you matters even more. Well there is more to it than that, I’ll get into in a moment.  You see JC the lord giveth, and the lord taketh away. 

Hoyt cracks his knuckles as he looks out at the unexpected snow and cold that has moved into the Midwest a few weeks early.  He watches as a squirrel franticly tries to burry a stash of nuts but is struggling to get through the frozen ground.  The cat is also interested in this sad display of, “a day late and a dollar short”.

Hoyt Williams: It’s true I want to hurt you.  For I am the vengeance of the lord, sent here to make all sinners pay.  The second coming isn’t meant to save, it’s meant to punish.  For am the flagellation of man and the bearer of broken dreams.  I do indeed want to hurt you JC, but I know what your body is going through already.  It’s not as if we aren’t of similar age, and body type.  My knees hurt, my back aches, and every chair shot is a week in a hot tub just to dull the sting. 

Hoyt holds up his pointer finger and slowly wags it “no”.

Hoyt Williams: No, no, no JC physical pain is already present, and you already know how to cope. I want more.  It’s your mind I want to hurt.  It’s your pride I wish to pillage.  It’s your dreams I plan to flush down the toilet of dispirit.  Your fragile mind is already on edge and walking that tight rope; one side sanity, the other madness.  I’m going to shake that tight rope JC after cutting the safety net.  For I am the curator of my own path.  Look I can sell you on some religious reason on the life of sin you have led and why I have an obligation to destroy you for those reasons.  To divorce is an act of betrayal to GOD himself.   But this isn’t that.  This goes deeper than all the rambling I’ve been doing. 

The savior of CWF sighs deeply pausing to think for a moment.

Hoyt Williams: This deluge I’m about to unleash into your mind causing insanity is actually the therapy I need to help maintain MY healthy ego.  You see I’m going to bring all this horror to you, to feed ME.  I look at you, and our one-year difference in age, and I can’t help but see something deep inside of me through your own existence.  You want to have ONE LAST RUN. 

The Pontiff of the piledriver makes a short sarcastic golf clap.

Hoyt Williams:  That’s sad, it really is.  The second I start thinking about a final anything is the second I walk away.  It’s the second I deserve to be beaten.  It’s the second that I have accepted an ending regardless of happy, sad, or complete.   I refuse to be at my end because I am not looking for an ending but rather a continuation of my greatness.  So, I will beat you with the intensity knowing deep down I’m beating those exact same thoughts out of my own psyche.  Whipping the inner monologue of doubt until it submits to the understanding, that my journey is long from over and your flesh shall be its metaphor.

Fire rages in the savior’s eye as the intensity in his voice raises.

Hoyt Williams:  Go be with God.  Go find salvation.  Fix your relationship with loose Lucy before some young stud in the locker room fixes her first. My disciple Silas could bring her much more happiness.  Give a retirement speech that everyone will remember and avoid the massacre I’m about to rain down upon thee.  Why put yourself through it?  Why face mortality by the hands of the son of Man?  It’s absurd.  You had a good run.  You thought it was all going to work out in the end.  Yet here I am.  There you are.  Tuesday is a coming. Judgement day is upon you. Wednesday you shall be forgotten but forgiven but two points shy of perfection.

Hoyt smiles.

Hoyt Williams: I WILL be champion of the world, and it’s not because it’s my fate, even if the bible tells it to be.  I will be champion of the CWF, not because it’s some story book happy ending written by some drugged out hippie diddling in the false prophet known as hope. No, I will be champion of all living things under the watchful eye of God because I NEVER STOPPED WORKING TO GET THERE.  I have yet to slow down. I do not accept age to be an ending.  I have the fire and brimstone at my fingertips to rain down upon all thee in front of me.  Silas I will find a way to cause you to lose don’t think your out of sight, and out of mind just yet.  That’s not a threat, that’s scripture.  JC its true, you got the answer but it’s to a question nobody has asked, and nobody cares about.  Tuesday night.  In the city of Sin salvation shall be found.  Evolution cometh your revelations in the Alpha & Omega.  Choose wisely for your ending is near, for I am the Alpha & the Omega.  I am your KYUSEISHU!!!

The camera zooms in on Hoyt’s eyes before fading to black.


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