Title: Yoga Pants
Featuring: Kyuseishu
Date: 10/26
Location: Sizzler
Show: Evolution 69

“Well, as through the world I've rambled, I've seen lots of funny men, Some rob you with a sixgun, some with a fountain pen. As through this world you ramble, as through this world you roam, You'll never see an outlaw drive a family from its home.”

--Woody Guthrie (performed by Ramblin’ Jack Elliot), “Pretty Boy Floyd

It’s a victory party for Hoyt Williams who has been on a roll of late in the Alpha & Omega tournament.  The title now within reach by simply winning out and having his self-proclaimed disciple Silas Artoria stumble taking a loss. The closeness is exciting for Hoyt and his crew.  To celebrate our Kyuseishu, Karen, and his emotional support cat Meowru Suzuki are enjoying a steak dinner at a relic gem they found while on the road to the next show, a still open Sizzler.

Hoyt Williams: Who’s Next?

The savior’s personal business manager Karen combs through her briefcase for the CWF Alpha and Omega dossier.  She pulls it out and looks it over briefly before letting Hoyt know who the next one to face the son of God is.

Karen: Autumn Raven.

Hoyt Williams: Is that some kind of yoga instructor?  Autumn Raven?  It sounds like a scented candle in a goth themed store.  You know most people wouldn’t peg me for the burning man kind.  A few years ago I sought out to the desert to save hippies souls and extinguish this Godless festival of the damned.  I mean no money is used, people don’t shower, bikes litter the playa, and people share everything from food and water to STD’s.  A total hedonistic kinda rigmarole.

Karen: This tea is not very hot, and I asked for a lemon.

Karen sticks her finger into her cup of tea and makes a dissatisfied face as to the lack of temperature.  The cat can careless about anything as he is in purrrrrfect heaven ripping away on a T-bone steak having the best day of his fifth life.  Hoyt brushes off Karen’s dissatisfaction as he’s used to it.

Hoyt Williams: All these people there dressed in EL wire at night like a Tron movie doped out on mushrooms, peyote, and DMT.  Dancing in front of impromptu raves, spun on by some DJ popping out of a giant fire breathing octopus, while guys dressed like bananas try to hide to avoid the guy in the gorilla suit hunting them down.  I mean total madness.  I once sat and talked to a Mormon for an hour before he had me snort crystal skull vodka out of a girl’s navel.  I mean completely unsanitary, but you know, when in Rome do as the Romans unless it involves killing my brother Jesus. 


The manager yells loudly at the waitress wondering by who is over worked, under paid, and completely unappreciated for all the bullshit she must deal with daily.   The cat comes up for air licking his face uncontrollably before diving back into the hunk of meat with glee.

Hoyt Williams:  All these hippies waiting for a man to burn.  An effigy.  A symbol of structure and order melted down to ash blowing amongst the death and dust of the dried-up lake in the middle of the desert.  Playa is what is left of a dead body of water which for years was a graveyard to dead fish and fallen life.  Once the water leaves and dries out, all that’s left is a dusty land barren of any life as the alkaline dust doesn’t even allow for insects.  Yet in this dust seventy thousand hippies build a city just to make it disappear like it never existed because sinners want to be WILD and FREE.  They want to think they are the ones who stand up to authority and fight for the justice of their own selfish self-ideals.   They think they march to the beat of their own drum while dressing the same, voting the same, thinking the same, listening to the same music as the rest of the followers of an “art” festival which by the way takes massive organization and governmental permissions to even exist.   You see these are the same people who need the police when in danger, call the fire department when in flames, and use I-Phones to tweet about their individualism and post pictures on Instagram like true rebels without a cause even though those phones are a product of massive organization, technology produced by shared thought, and manufactured by cheap under paid labor.  Individualism is hypocrisy of the highest order. 

Karen: How long does it take to get a manger and what does you’re trips to burning man have to do with Autumn Raven?

Hoyt Williams:  She’s of this same hypocrisy I speak of.  Well that, and her name made me think of all the stupid nicknames everybody goes by when on the playa.  Tipsy Summer, Martian, Dog Tail, Autumn Raven, you know mindless hippy crap.

The savior of all men plays with some vanilla pudding on his plate parting it as if it’s the red sea.  The cat watches him for a moment as he licks his face taking a break from the steak.  Karen has found the manager and is now yelling at him loudly as other patrons watch on.

Hoyt’s tired it’s been a long month of Sunday’s since he’s had some rest and the road is getting to him.  He looks at twitter on his phone where he sees Freddy Styles running his mouth from the developmental Alpha Block.  He thinks of a witty reply for a moment before smiling sheepishly and typing out his post.   

The cat finds humans looking at their glow box boring and unbecoming, so he goes back to eating.   Hoyt put’s the phone down and looks out the window at the kids playing in the park across the street.  He thinks back to his own childhood before the internet, before constant need to communicate, before the fame, when he just was just Hoyt riding a bicycle looking for trouble.

Hoyt remembers his dad always being gone and, on the road, living the life of a wrestler and the void that it left in his soul. The sweet smile of his now departed mother who always had time for him doing her best to be both parents.  The warmth and snugness of her hugs.  Her laugh.  What’s gone is gone and all that’s left is the future so all eyes forward.

Hoyt Williams: It must be exhausting thinking you’re the most interesting person in the room.  That’s the kind of person I have to fight and continue to beat.  Autumn Raven is just a child still confused by the fact she’s just another cog in the machine of life and my story…the book of Hoyt.

The son of the Malice Man talks to the cat whose ears shift to indicate he’s listening even if his face doesn’t leave what’s left of the steak.  Karen is still in full bitch mode pulling her phone out and yelping right in front of the manager as he tries to calm her down a few feet from the table.

Hoyt Williams: When I get through this pissy goth girl it’s on to JC.  I mean that’s what we’re waiting for isn’t Suzuki?  A showdown worth of HUGE ratings and bad ass wrestling. 

The waitress sets down a cup of coffee as Hoyt smiles a thank you at her.  He methodically rips the top off the cream tubs lining up three of them which he pours into the blackness of the coffee.  He watches as the cream clouds up in the cup like some mystical potion.  He tries to find meaning in it all but fails as the coffee just turns a tan tone.  Meowru stares a hole through Hoyt who quickly knows what his cat wants and rips the top off another crème and sets it in front of the cat who gladly goes to town on it spilling it on the table in the process.

Hoyt Williams: We still have the Silas situation.

The cat is to invested in gluttony to disect his masters problems.  Karen sits back down and still doesn’t seem happy.

Karen:  We’re getting a free pie to go, for all the troubles we’ve had here.

Hoyt Williams: Banana cream?

Karen: All they have is cherry pie.

Hoyt Williams: I once asked Ramblin’ Jack Elliot what his favorite pie is.  He went on a long rambling Jack style rant about stealing motorcycles and ending up at a diner where he ordered an apple pie because he figured it was the healthiest thing on the menu.   So, I guess we shouldn’t look a gift pie in the hole.

Karen: You know both you and this Elliot fellow both tend to ramble.

Hoyt Williams: We just have a lot to say.

Karen: What were you and the cat talking about?

Hoyt Williams: I have a Silas situation.  

Karen: Your disciple?  How so.

Hoyt Williams: Well I gave that Motivation win at the start of the tournament to help him while I blessed him with some extra skills.  Now all these weeks later he holds a tie breaker over me.  If, and when I get through little Suzie Summer Autumn goth chick Raven and I beat JC, Silas is going to win.   It’s almost as if I must remove his blessing.

Karen: He’s YOUR disciple can’t you just ask him to take an L?

Hoyt Williams: It’s not that easy, as he doesn’t know he’s the author of my book in the next bible.  He has no idea he’s a disciple, he like Raven think’s hes a free spirt.  A boring one, but a free one none the less.  So, what can we do?

Karen:  Help him.

The pontiff of the piledriver looks confused. 

Hoyt Williams: I need him to lose, not help him win.

Karen: But if you say came down during one of his matches, and say, used the “good book” over his opponents head he would…..

Hoyt Williams: ….take a DQ and loss for zero points.  It’s not just your warm likeable personality that I keep you around for, it’s ideas like this. 

Karen: All you need to do is infare to win, and your one Mr. Stylish win away from once again being a champion of the world in an American promotion. 

Hoyt Williams: Autumn is about over, and the cold harsh winter is moving in fast.  It’s time to plot my fate with a little faith and fun.   An Alpha & Omega path to victory and a free pie.  This is a great day for us all!!  

The cat agrees as the camera fades on our hero’s smile.


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