Thought you weren't gonna see me, didn't you?
Figured I'd stay silent and accept the fact that I'm not good enough to beat even CWF's mediocre talent - and if you're considered medicore by CWF standards, that's fucking bad.
You all probably expected me to once again skip out on my promotional obligations, and once again come up short on another edition of Evolution.
And I wouldn't blame you. I seriously wouldn't. I mean, even when I did show up and put on a good facade about pretending to care it still wasn't good enough. I lost to Ataxia, a man whose only thing he had on me was sticking his cock in the eye socket of my ex-husband's skull. Well, it turns out that Madman is not dead. Seriously. Go check his Twitter. I'm sure you all remember the handle.
I repeat: Madman Szalinski is alive.
So that leaves me wondering, whose skull did Ataxia fuck in his promo...?
Anyways, you get the point. It would appear that Ariel Shadows is catching nothing but losses here in CWF. But I've got a very weird theory behind this one, and I think once I present my evidence and philosophy behind this, you'll start to agree with me. Or at the very least, you'll somewhat understand. This goes against everything we know as human beings, and it goes against the very nature of the professional wrestling business.
Even losing is winning.
Take my ex-husband, Madman, for instance. He lost his life. That's all we have to lose, and he lost that too. He gave away all his money, he started losing to people knowing he was unable to put up a fight, he broke his arms trying to push people who didn't deserve to even be in the same room as him. Blaise Fader is one of those people who acted like a fucking mark around Madman when they met in England, then proceeded to shit all over his memory and everything he did for her. If Blaise could stop acting like a Twitter edgelord slash plucky babyface whose gimmick is nothing more than "I'm fat and I've wrestled everywhere"...her theme song should be 'I've Been Everywhere' by Johnny Cash. You've been everywhere, Blaise, except for the top. Come on over to CWF and come see me if I'm upsetting you. Or be the coward that you are and hide from this open challenge. Mr. Rishel, please get word out to this dumb cunt that I would like a word with her in the ring.
I'm getting off track. My bad. Anyways, losing is winning. Blaise Fader, like many others such as Artemis Kaiser, Gaia Galanos, Molly Cyrus...these fucks all used Madman Szalinski's memory to get over...and then all of them forsook his name. ALL OF THEM. So Madman lost it all, in the name of helping out a few people he thought could possibly be the future of wrestling. And then he lost his life, died alone in his fucking bedroom in the middle of the night.
But he still won. Somehow, this motherfucker is alive again, and somehow he doesn't remember anything. He doesn't even remember half the shit from before 2017. He still won. He's still here. Artemis Kaiser is gone. Gaia Galanos is doing MMA now. Blaise Fader is booked in 35 different feds and hasn't sniffed a World title picture in any of them. Molly Cyrus can't talk anymore because I chopped her vocal chords out with my bare hands. But Madman Szalinski, the man who put all of them on in this business?
He's still here, and still drawing people's attention. Again, go check his Twitter if you don't believe me.
Now, on to something more relevant. CWF lost their world champ, Dan Ryan. That's the reason you've seen so many new faces. CWF needs a new champion. Clearly, this will not be me. I don't want it right now, I'm not ready for it, and I didn't come to CWF to fill Dan Ryan's steroid-laced shoes. Seriously, there's a vial of testosterone in his left boot and a syringe in his right.
Losing is winning. CWF is free of the plague that is Dan Ryan, MJ Flair and Lindsay Troy. Your new World champion won't brag about being CWF Champion for life because they got scared and quit with the strap rather than man up and give it to Rish in person. And then Rishel bends over backwards to appease these three fucking traitors to his own company? The way he makes a living? They took money out of your pocket, Jaiden Rishel. Losing them was the best thing that ever happened to your company. Fuck Dan Ryan and fuck anything he has to say. Fuck MJ Flair and her "I'm the best but everyone around me has had a more successful career than I ever will" attitude. Fuck Lindsay Troy and whatever fucking drug she's being slipped that has her acting like a fucking idiot along with Dan and MJ.
Did I upset any of you with that? Then beg Rishel for your jobs back, come do something about it.
Even if I lose, I still win. I'm still a Tag Team champion in Action Wrestling. I'm still training people. I'm still loved by more than enough people to get through the day. I've still got more skills than 99% of the world. And I'm still here. Still breathing.
Let this Jay Mora guy come give me whatever he's got. Let's roll. Someone's got to do the job. Someone's got to lose.
But when Jay loses, he's gotta remember that even losing is winning. He lost to Ariel Shadows. At least he got in there and tried. At least he didn't quit the company in fear when I signed to appear in this tournament. At least he doesn't hide in High Octane Wrestling where shitbag behavior is not only accepted, but mandatory to be a part of the roster. At least he will show up and fucking fight, whatever happens he proved he belongs in CWF.
Even when you lose at Evo 68, Jay, you're still a winner.
I may get my hand raised, and I may win the match. But it won't be easy. You won't let me just walk in there and have my way with you, will ya? Fuck no, Jay. You're gonna give me a fucking fight, and I'm gonna fucking fight back.
No matter what the decision is, dude, we both win. And that piece of shit holding that worthless blob of tin and fake leather calling himself the CWF champion for life?
He's a loser.