Title: Cool Ranch and banana's in Havana
Featuring: Kyuseishu
Date: 6/29/19
Location: Flight to Cuba
Show: Evolution 56



It’s in first class seating on a plane bound for Havana where we find Kyuseishu sitting comfortably relaxing in a large chair.  He’s sipping on thick Cuban coffee.  His white, mean eyed cat, Meowru Suzuki sits on his lap, seemingly chill as Kyu pets him.   Sitting next to Kyu working on a laptop is his personal business manager Karen; who is about 45, slightly chubby, large unflattering glasses, brown hair with blond highlights, and the hair style that is shaved in the back but longer in the front with a swoop to the left.  You know, the typical middle aged, “can I speak to a manager” Karen haircut.

Kyuseishu:  What’s that song that’s like…Eating Banana’s in Havana na na?

Karen: Banana’s in Havana?

Kyuseishu:  Yeaaaa you totally know it, the lord graced us with that song last year and it was played everywhere.  Eating bananas in Havana na na?

Karen: I don’t think that I know that one. 

The savior seems annoyed that he can’t think of the name of the song.  The cat seems annoyed that he keeps singing it.  Karen seems annoyed by life in general.

Kyuseishu: I left my heart in east Atlanta na na few down and had a banana in Havana.  Na Na. 

Karen: Yea I don’t know. 

Kyuseishu: I would ask my damn phone but for some reason I can’t get service on a plane.  What a worthless era we live in.  Oh, speaking of Paradine, did you know I changed Siri from the American woman voice, to Australian woman voice after I sensed a tone of sarcasm in the American voice.

The business manager is typing away a new Yelp review complaining about lady at the Starbucks in the airport, so she’s clearly half listening.

Kyuseishu:  I did look over the agency’s dossier for Nathan Paradine.  I think we could steal the show as we both are fluent in Japanese strong style and can really mix it up.  The Cubans do love their violence and hard striking!

Karen: That reminds me I was speaking to the “president” of Cuba, Miguel Diaz-Canel whom you have a business meeting with on Monday afternoon about running a Cuban cigar ring out of Chicago.  Anyway, he mentioned that he wants to see blood on the CWF show.  I told him you could make that happen.  

Kyuseishu: So, mote it be!  I could bloody up Paradine.  Maybe a hard elbow to the lip, or something along those line.  There will be blood!  First time I saw that movie I was taking a spiritual journey after dropping some Adam & Eve acid.  That was a mistake.   

Kyuseishu smiles as he has a short flashback to long faded trip.

Kyuseishu: It certainly will be bloody beautiful I just have to be careful with this Crocodile Dundee douche he’s going to look to catch me with one of those silly submissions.  It’s always a crap shoot with these submission guys.  I’m going to try to keep it upright.  I was researching the gogoplata, and it’s a dangerous looking submission that almost shoves your own head, up your own ass. 

Karen: Yeaaaaa.

Karen is still typing away half paying attention to the often talkative Kyuseishu.  The cat gives Karen a look of distain as he yawns and drifts off to kitty dream land where he’s forever chasing a mouse named Yano.

Kyuseishu:  Sweet baby Jesus this coffee is thick as Beyoncé, but I’m digging it; although I can’t stop talking a hundred miles an hour.  You know the more I think about it, the less I’m worried about Nathan Parasite.  I mean sure something has been missing from my game lately, but I think the ring rust if finally coming off. I think it’s time I show the CWF why I walk on water while they all sink.  His game is off too, so it’s an even playing ground in a land I have political connections with.  Maybe I could have him assassinated, or at least arrested on charges of being a dingo. 

Karen: I’m sure we can work something out.

A moment later Kyuseishu pushes a button to signal a flight attendant. 

Kyuseishu:  I wish there was more to my life besides running one of the worlds largest ministries, being a hall of fame pro-wrestler, and the second coming of Christ.   But it is what it is.  Winning matches is what I need to do to fill my desires.  Sure, I wish I could surf, bake, and slack but that’s for losers and not saints.  I make miracles happen. I’m the miracle maker.

A male flight attendant approach the cat opens one eye in drowsy interest.

Kyuseishu: Can I get some cool ranch Doritos maybe like 4 of those small bags?  Wow, a male flight attendant it really is a whole new world.

Karen: They just rebooted Aladdin, and that stupid song.

Kyuseishu: Well I guess it really is a whole rebooted world.

Flight Attendant:  I can only give you 2 bags at a time it’s an airline policy.  I’ll also have you know they have female pilots now too. 

Karen: Only two?  You can’t give four? That seems outrageous.  Who sets these rules?

Flight Attendant: I guess the company.

Karen:  Well, is the company watching you right now?

Flight Attendant: Ma’am I can’t.

The flight attendant walks away quickly before Karen becomes to outraged.  The cat is not happy being woken by all this commotion.  He stretches and rubs his head against Kyuseishu’s chest until the savior starts scratching behind his ears.

Karen: Remember Monday morning you have Hoyce Gracie coming in to work on submission defenses with you.  He will be staying the week until you fly to Jamaica. 

Kyuseishu: Excellent!  It’s will be wonderful having my old friends around.  Book an empanada party for Wednesday.  We’re going to live it up on Cuban rum and meat filled empanada’s after a hard few days of training.  He’s the perfect counter to help me train against that parasite Paradine submissions. 

Karen: That’s why he is coming in.

Kyuseishu: Hey what’s that song that’s like eating banana’s in Havana?

The social justice samurai asks the approaching flight attendant. The cat hisses after hearing Kyu sing that damn song again.  Karen looks on still with scowl on her face towards the flight attendant. 

Flight Attendant: I think you’re talking about Camila Cabello’s song Havana. 

Kyuseishu:  She leaves her heart in east Atlanta to search for a banana in Havana?  That one?

Flight Attendant:  Ummm yea something like that.  I’m sorry sir, but we only have nacho cheese Doritos left.

Your personal Jesus Kyuseishu makes a disapproving face.

Karen: Unacceptable.  I want to speak to a manger.  



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