Title: Back and to the left
Featuring: Kyuseishu
Date: 6/22/19
Location: Chicago, IL
Show: Evolution 55

“Back and to the left”

Kyuseishu is sitting at a laptop, at a desk, in his home office in Chicago, Illinois.  The walls are littered with posters of him headlining shows throughout his career.  The centerpiece that sits behind him on a center shelf of a large displace case is the sold gold half million-dollar God’s Championship.  This is the title that was awarded to him by God himself. 

The Samurai savior hits the fifteen second rewind button and watches his elimination from the Golden Intentions rumble again, and again. 

“Ataxia sneaks behind Dorian, lifting him up with all his might as both Hawkhurst and Kyuseishu go tumbling over the top rope!”  

Kyuseishu slams his laptop closed, as his bright blue eyes look directly into the camera filming him.

Kyuseishu: Ataxia with a sneak attack, clearly an egregious act of cowardice.  Weakness and gang mentality seem to be what the CFW is all about.   I’m an odd man out since I fight with honor, respect, and God’s grace.

The samurai savior points to God’s title behind him.

Kyu: That’s why I’m GOD’s champion, and you all are chasing down false American dreams, and worthless false title idols.  So, my short cut to the world title ended…well short, and now my true journey begins.  I’m not afraid of a long winding road for a must get that title to retrieve some information on it.  I’ve never graced a federation that didn’t rise in popularity like my bro Jesus on Easter, and I’ve never not achieved my goal of adding another world title to my resume.  Pray to GOD and ask him yourself…and pal he’ll tell ya…I’m not only the second coming, I’m also the best damn fighter in the world!  Blood will be shed until I’m proclaimed by the masses as the world champion end this jihad now before it’s too late and just hand me the gold.  I mean being thrown out by a sneak attack won’t be tolerated I hope I get a personal apology from the new CEO.  Believe me I made some phone call about Jon Stewart.  You think it was coincidence he lost his job after I GOT SCREWED BY A SNEAK ATTACK?!?!  I called the board and changes were made.  The new CEO hopefully will understand I don’t play games.  I’m also personally offering to fund the writer who was attacked in his legal fees. 

Kyuseishu takes a sip of his morning coffee (Hawaiian Blend, Kona beans, cream only) while he tries to calm himself down as the fire rages in his eyes.    

Kyu: But in time the world title will be mine, it’s an order from the order, and that’s the gospel truth so mote it be.  However right now…

Kyu taps his finger hard on the desk.

Kyu:  Right now, it’s about the Impact title.  It’s about my crusade to collect the relics of false god’s, and add them to the mantle behind me.   Taking the Impact title will prove to everyone Kyuseishu is here, and you all will be witnesses in the apocalypse. 

The savior picks up the phone on his desk pushing a button.

Kyu: Sadie?  Can you get me a tuna sandwich from Potbelly, with the giardiniera?  Thanks.  Don’t forget the giardiniera it really brings the flavor together.

Kyuseishu hangs up the phone.

Kyu: Kingdoms come, and kingdoms fall.  A common Japanese idiom is, “The Weak are meat; the strong eat.”.  Right now, I’m very hungry, and I see dinner cooking. I smell it and damn it’s good.  The Queen Lindsey Troy has a new toy of an old friend in Brandon Youngblood.  Working in the stealth, under the cowardice of a mask, Brandon Youngblood attacks with a cane. Hello Brandon do you remember me? To quote Johnny Gill, “My My My”. 

The pontiff of the CWF takes another sip of coffee and smiles.

Kyu: My, My, My.   Another opportunity for me to block you from gold, history really does repeat.  Dan Ryan…. world.   Lindsey Troy…. Paramount.  Seems like the next logical statement of dominance is Brandon Youngblood, as Impact champion.  Oh, believe me I see where you guys are trying to get to, I’m five chess moves ahead, and BY GOD it ain’t going to happen on my holy watch. 

Kyuseishu flashes his watch which looks like the old mickey mouse watch where his arms point at the time only instead of Mickey it’s a smiling Jesus.

Kyu: CWF does not need Kings, and Queens, and “white knights” in shining armor. The thiefdom you are helping to build with the Ryan family will faulter.  CW needs guidance, faith, and a foundation that’s built upon their KYUSEISHU!

The savior samurai saint pounds at his chest soaking it all in. 

Kyu: But lets face it, this isn’t JUST about you and me.  I’ve been saddled by the CWF, and the booking committee to have horrible partners. They have me carrying Ford, and Luck, in this upcoming spectacular…LIVE on Evolution 55, from the stinking country of Puerto Rico.  I will be bringing my own water, and I’m having an electrical engineer examine the power grid to make sure this poor excuse of kind of American have an infrastructure that can support CWF’s equipment so the world can witness my greatness.  If you have any question how God feels about Puerto Rico just look up Hurricane Maria.  Not good.

Kyuseishu winks at the camera with a cocky arrogant smile.

Kyu: Ford had a shot at the impact title in New Orleans, and he failed.  He failed.  Simple as that, and now I must pick up the slack with this unlucky fella Luck to move forward and bring these two sinners to next week’s three-way match for the number one contendership for the Impact title.  Have you ever seen footprints in the sand where a simple-minded soul is walking on a beach wondering where God is to help solve their petty problems?  This faithless sack thinks God has abandoned him but little did he know the footprints aren’t from his feet but rather from God carrying his lard ass.  You see in this Scenario I’m god and the two lard asses are Ford and Luck.

Kyuseishu chuckles for a second.

Kyu: I went from the fast track in winning a rumble, to driving on a broken down back road with two flat tires in an old crappy Ford on an unlucky Tuesday.  The good news is once I beat PJ Blake, Youngblood, and Marrow I’ll have an easy 3-way match to get to MY Impact title fight with Mrs. Raven. 

Kyuseishu does a random 360 swivel on his office chair.

Kyu: Of course, I’m my group’s leader since I lasted the longest in the Golden Invitational Rumble and my mastermind ways will be the key advantage here, especially with a dope like Marrow on the other team.  Beji…tom…what ever name you’re sinning ass goes by, you my friend is a harmful parasite to the world. Nothing good comes from Ohio.  I mean the Cleveland Browns?  Total losers.  Not only does the team suck, but even their uniforms are ugly.   Why I must get in a ring with this cuckold creep is absolutely disgusting.  Bark, howl, roll over, play dead, or have your lady friend speak for your…buddy it won’t be a dog’s day in a mans match.  When I’m done with you, you’re probably going to have to update your fetlife profile from puppy play to totally dominated. 

Kyuseishu shakes his head in disgust.

Kyu: What happened to this man, and these fans that allow them to seemingly find this normal is outrageous?  I’m here to bring sanity back to wrestling. 

The savior of all things wrestling takes another sip of his coffee trying to cleanse the taste of disgust from his mouth.

Kyu: PJ!?!  PJ?? PPPPPPPPPPJJJJJJAYYYYYY I have never taken a grown-up seriously in my life that goes by PJ.  How embarrassing.  Not just to you, but the entire roster. I know its trivial to make fun of a name but I don’t have a lot to work with here.  You and I “PJ” got a little something in common.  We’re both from famous wrestling families.  Traditions.  Titles.  All the good, and the bad that comes with it. I can relate to you in the most basic of ways. However, unlike you, I’m not a millennial drone.  I wasn’t handed anything.  My father was a drunk on the road living out his dreams, and my mother was murdered by gang bangers.  You think life is so easy, and that you are so entitled to all that you have. 

Kyuseishu shakes his head in disgust.

Kyu: You like the lie thinking that wrestling is a FUN career to take up.  It sickens me.  My wealth was self-made.  I shunned my father and created my own damn legacy.  Now I’m a legend.  A deity.  Your savior.  Rookie don’t think I’m going to go easy on you.  Don’t think because you’re a girl I’m not going to make you bleed any chance I get.  You will learn what it feels like to get a headbutt to the nose, if it makes you less pretty that’s fine, this isn’t a cosmopolitan profession.  I want you to understand rookie that my focus will be to make you a real fighter to humble you.   Thank me later, but cry Tuesday. I’m sorry you stand in my way to the Impact title.  I wish you luck in your career, but baby, we both know you’re to soft for this business. 

The savior makes the sign of the cross and then smiles a scary sadistic grin as he motions a hard headbutt to end his prayer.  He again picks up the phone and calls to his front office.

Kyu: Who is this?  Mary?  Is Sadie still getting that sandwich? I hope she don’t forget the giardiniera.  Anyway, can you cancel my three o’clock tee time with Joe Biden.  I didn’t it know he was such a racist and I won’t stand for such nonsense from an old white male.  His white privilege shines to bright for the Social Justice Samurai.

Hoyt bows to the camera as it fades to white.    

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