Title: Parental Dramas.
Featuring: PJ Blake
Date: 06/21/2019
Location: Bus
Show: Evolution 55



[Part One - Family Drama]

Not really sure how I thought Golden Intentions would go, but what I do know is I had the time of my life and I now crave more.  I think I got bit by a few hundred wrestling bugs because after Golden Intentions, despite not winning the rumble, I have the shakes.  It’s kind of cruel to make me wait this long for another taste of in-the-ring.

Jade Valerie’s “Real Emotion” goes off.

Jebus!  What is… oh that is my phone.  Does this person not know I am on a bus and ringtones are distracting?  Wait, never mind it’s my mother she doesn’t see passed her own nose.  As much as I want to decline this call, she is my mother.  Ick… that even sounds nasty hearing it inside my head.  Bad head-taste!  Breathe, PJ, you can do this!

“Hey mommy!”

Oh, she hung up… I guess I thought about answering too-

“What can I do for you?”

Holy Bejebus, there it goes again!

“Hey mommy!  Sorry I-”

Ooooh she sounds upset.

“Yes mother, I was actually the one being thrown so I don’t know why you’re so-”

That is my super monotone, kinda sarcastic voice I use to mock mommy dearest, but now she is talking again.  She loves making sure I do not finish a verbal though.

“I don’t wanna have dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Whosits son Uppity Von Upster.”

Oh that did it, now she is  really mad.  I wonder what she would do… oh this will be good I got one of my brilliant plans and no friends to talk me out of it.

“You want to know why, well it’s because I am already seeing someone that’s why!”

A mother’s silence is deafening and my mommy’s silence is murderous.

“His name?  What makes you think I know it?  I picked him up at the last truck stop this bus stopped at.”

There it is, that murderous silence is back.  That’ll teach her to assume I’m a snowflake.  Look how easily I trigger her.

“He took me into the dirty back and made my back-”

Welp, that did it, she hung up.  She is either getting on the jet to come save me or she figured out my plan.  Either way, score one victory for PJ!  If she does come out to see her daughter dearest, I will need to find a-

“Hey there.”

I turn to the woman eating her scabs sitting next to me.

“How would you like-  you know what never mind.”

Nope, there are some things I won’t even do.  I will just say he gave me a fake number and I found that out after the stick turned pink.  I’m such a great daughter, adding the color my mommy and daddy so desperately need in their lives.

“What can I do for you?” starts playing again.

Oh hey, someone I don’t mind talking to!

“Hey Tank-o!  I was just-”

Crap, my mommy called him.  This is an unfortunate common collateral damage.

“Yeah, I did kinda tell my mommy a lot of things that had a chance of killing her, but I assume she had enough life to make it to a fancy spa?”

Tank sounds disappointed or lack my mommy just gut-punched him.  Poor boy.

“Yeah, you know me though Uncy, I can get a little excited and a little too into the stories that I am weaving.”

I shrug, not that he can hear that.

“Ugh… alright… give me a week and I will call her and apologize and I might even agree to meet with their friend’s son for dinner.”

Age has really put a sour-puss on my Uncle.  I remember just last week he was fun and on my side.  To listen to him talk now you would think he was about to join his sister’s practice or my daddy was having him fitted for his own red blazer.

“I have a match to worry about, I cannot exactly worry about my mom.”

Tank is just the latest dog in my mother and father’s pack of pups.  The sad thing is, I doubt my poor uncle even realizes it.  Oh right, I should probably be listening because Uncle Tank has been talking this whole time.

“I will call her immediately after my match, promise!”

Well now he sounds a little happier, he is wanting to know about CWF and how I am liking things now.  See, this is what a supportive family member sounds like!

“No, I am not still living in my head, Uncy!”

That’s just rude, assuming I have a running internal dia… oh… damn.

“Yeah, I just did it and realized it while doing it!  Why do you like giving me headaches, Uncy-poo?  You’re almost as bad as Thomas!”

That will get him ranting for awhile.  It is good to hear his voice though because even though he teases a lot, I know he cares and supports me in my endeavor; even when I get my mommy on his case because I want to be a brat.

“Oh yeah, you saw that rumble, huh?”

I did an okay job… I lasted more than five seconds and really is that not the one goal every rumble participant has?

“Some six-person tag team match where the winning team become opponents to determine a number one contender.”

He is taking an interest in my life, my career of choice.  Kind of makes me envious of my cousin Joshy when he is older and deciding things in his life and even more so when I think of all of the trouble he will get away with having this lug for a daddy.

“What am I doing to prepare?  You know, the usual stuff.”

Oh, now he is saying he wants details.  He’s not letting go of the back of my bike.  This is usually the part where I speed off and send the person crashing to their face, but I’ll be nice.

“I dunno, go to the gym and maybe put up one of those videos on YouTube.  What, do you think that is not good enough?”

I have my own Mister Miyagi, so I feel like I am going to do alright.  Yeah, I know about those movies.  They are classics…… and you know… I hang around with old dudes s it’s hard not to know about the movies of their day.

“Yeah, I will probably layout in the ring before the show.”

It’s therapeutic damn it!

“I know it pisses off the crew because they have jobs to do, but so do I and laying in the ring before shows is kinda my ritual.”

I know it always pissed off Derek and Thomas too, my two trainers.  That was probably because I was supposed to be doing squats or running the ropes, but I did what I thought was more beneficial to my training.

“I’m making okay money but I wouldn’t call it enough to waste a few hundred on a trainer.  I call it good enough to eat regularly and sleep on a real bed.”

Now he is offering to help me out.

“Nah, if I wanted a personal trainer that is the one thing my mom and dad would afford me.  They think it is good I remain in shape… you know… so I can land a husband to hang off the arm of.”

My mom and dad were always great at the whole romance factor.

“Thanks for calling Uncy Tank-o.  Means a lot.  Just sorry that it was cause of the conversation I had with my mommy dearest.”

We say our good-byes and it’s perfect timing because here we are…the best my money can buy on a budget, but it’s a pillow and blanket to collapse into and onto.

[Part Two - The Otherside ]

Attempting to live a nice, simpler life on the outskirts of Seattle, Washington in a small cottage is “The Tank” Hank Gunyon sitting in his recliner in his living room when “Heaven Nor Hell” by VoidBeat starts playing.  Tank checks the caller ID and smiles.

“Hey big sister, I was-”

She does not give him the chance to finish his sentence and carries on with why she called.  While she is going off, Tank’s wife Christy enters and walks directly into the kitchen.  Tank mouths a kiss to her while listening to his sister rant on.

Christy: “Who’s on the phone?”

Tank sets his phone down and places it on speaker.

Deborah Blake: “If you could have heard the way she talked to me, Hank, you would be just as frantic and out of your mind mad as I am!  For some reason she listens to you, so please call her and get her to see reason… also am I on speaker?  Why would you put me on speaker?!  This is a private, family conversation!

Christy Tisch:”Don’t worry, Debbie, nothing but family here!”

Deborah Blake: “You aren’t my family, Christy!  Just the wh-”

Christy Tisch: “Just as pleasant as always I hear.”

Deborah Blake: “Christy, I-”

Tank: “Okay you two, back to your corners and Deb, I have been meaning to call PJ today and catch up.  I will pass along your very specific motherly love when I do.”

Deborah Blake: “Get her to come home, because I know it was something you and that wife of yours said that got her on this silly, ridiculous path in the first place!”

Christy walks over and picks up her husband’s phone.

Christy Tisch: “You know what is wonderful about living in the country, Debbie?”

Deborah Blake: “Christy, I-”

Christy hangs up the call with a smile on her face.

Christy Tisch: “Damn, what convenient bad reception.  You really should call Verizon and thank them, baby.”

Christy tosses the phone to Tank’s lap, who is just shaking his head and laughing.

Tank: “You’re crazy, you know that?”

Christy Tisch: “No, I’m your balls.”

Tank: “Ouch!”

Christy walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer and takes a long drink.

Christy Tisch: “Why did we think it was a good idea to let her into our lives again?”

Tank: “She’s family?”

Christy Tisch: “Oh right… your family really-”

Tank: “Do you really want to compare family bullshit?”

Christy Tisch: “Rich assholes, the lot of them.”

Tank: “I’m going to call PJ.  I assume you want to talk to her after I’m done?”

Christy Tisch: “Yes, but I’ll call her on my own time.  Stop trying to run my life, sexist.”

Tank: “You’re so mean to me.”

Christy walks by Tank, running a hand over his shoulder with a smile on her face.

Christy Tisch: “Don’t you forget it either.”

Tank: “Never.”

Tank manages to grab her hand as it is leaving his shoulder and give it a kiss.  Tank dials up his niece and places the phone on the arm of his chair.

“Hey Tank-o!  I was just-”

Tank: “Hey there, sport.  I got an interesting call from your mother.”

“Yeah, I did kinda tell my mommy a lot of things that had a chance of killing her, but I assume she had enough life to make it to a fancy spa?”

Tank: “We did not get into what she was doing or what she had been up to, but she definitely sounded loud and angry.”

“Yeah, you know me though Uncy, I can get a little excited and a little too into the stories that I am weaving.”

Tank laughs.

Tank: “Yeah and you forgot about the part where you do not think, not that I can really scold you on that.  Christy can attest to that.”

Christy Tisch: (from the next room) “I have plenty of video evidence!”

Tank: “Just tell me you will call her and apologize and let it slip that I scolded you, okay?”

“Ugh… alright… give me a week and I will call her and apologize and I might even agree to meet with their friend’s son for dinner.”

Tank: “You know your mom only wants what is best for you, right, sport?”

“I have a match to worry about, I cannot exactly worry about my mom.”

Tank: “They definitely have their own way of showing it, but your parents do love you and only want what they feel is best for you.”

“I will call her immediately after my match, promise!”

Tank: “That is all I need to hear.  So tell me about your first rumble match, sport.”

He waits for a moment for a response, but gets nothing.

Tank: “Are you still there sport or are you off in your head again?”

“No, I am not still living in my head, Uncy!”

Tank: “It’s cute, sport.  Just make sure you don’t do it… you’re doing it right now, again, aren’t you?”

Tank laughs.

“Yeah, I just did it and realized it while doing it!  Why do you like giving me headaches, Uncy-poo?  You’re almost as bad as Thomas!”

Tank: “That is not a very nice thing, I swear I surround myself with people who will do nothing but attack me relentlessly.  So stop stalling and tell me about your first rumble match in CWF, sport.”

“Oh Yeah, you saw that rumble, huh?”

Tank: “Yes, I definitely saw that and personally thought you did better than most wrestlers do in their first rumble match.  Seems like you got someone’s attention too because you got a pretty high-profile match.  Why don’t you tell your old uncle about that, sport?”

“Some six-person tag team match where the winning team become opponents to determine a number one contender.”

Tank: “Now see, that is impressive.  Even your mother would be proud that you are getting the chance at an opportunity.  What are you doing to prepare?”

“What am I doing to prepare?  You know, the usual stuff.”

Tank: “I figured that much, but what kind of regiment, diet, etcetera.”

“I dunno, go to the gym and maybe put up one of those videos on YouTube.  What, do you think that is not good enough?”

Tank: “You have to mentally prepare and put yourself into each and every week and I do not mean just laying about in the ring getting in the road crew’s way.”

“Yeah, I will probably layout in the ring before the show.”

Tank: “You do realize it pisses off the entire crew because they then have to work around you, right?”

“I know it pisses off the crew because they have jobs to do, but so do I and laying in the ring before shows is kinda my ritual.”

Tank: “You should get yourself a personal trainer now that you have better income.”

“I’m making okay money but I wouldn’t call it enough to waste a few hundred on a trainer.  I call it good enough to eat regularly and sleep on a real bed.”

Tank: “I can make a few calls, Christy too.”

“Nah, if I wanted a personal trainer that is the one thing my mom and dad would afford me.  They think it is good I remain in shape… you know… so I can land a husband to hang off the arm of.”

Tank: “Classy people my sister and brother-in-law.  I won’t take up anymore of your time, besides I have to call your mother back still.

“Thanks for calling Uncy Tank-o.  Means a lot.  Just sorry that it was cause of the conversation I had with my mommy dearest.”

Tank hangs up the phone and takes a look around.

Tank: “Hey babe, you want to get me a beer?”

Christy: “Get up and get it yourself…”

Tank laughs and then gets to his feet.

Christy: “Bring me another one while you’re at it!”

Tank: “Yes, dear.”

[Part Three - V.Log ]

Not sure why, but I always loved cheap motels and now-a-day they aren’t really that bad because there are standards.  Then again I have never taken a blacklight to any of the rooms I have gotten and that’s okay with me.  I don’t need to know because I am of the opinion that ignorance is bliss in most cases, but hey I cannot sleep so I think I will prop up this phone right here and record another video to post on YouTube while I “try” to sleep, but hey I am hitting the button now so get ready for some pure entertainment gold.

“Hey viewers, whether you’re the critics or my fans.  So I am guessing by now everyone has seen my efforts in my first CWF rumble match were fruitless and that is okay.  I took my lumps and here I am coming back to take a few more.  Hopefully nobody is expecting me to bad mouth my opponents because that is not really my style.  I will say that I am thrilled that I have the opportunity to do what I do in front of everyone watching from wherever they are watching.  I will also say I will do everything in my power to not be the weak-link in this six-person tag team match and that might be a little tricky considering everyone is a giant compared to lil’ ole me, but that just means pulling my weight isn’t as… no… that is an excuse.  I will not deliver excuses, I will deliver results and be lynchpin that carries my team to having a triple threat match to determine who challenges the Impact Champion, Autumn Raven.”

“So be prepared to look to your left, your right, and every other direction I could possibly name, but also be prepared to be looking just a fraction of a second too late because I will have already struck you and readying to do so again.  Do not take my word for it, no, I would never in my wildest want or expect that to be the case.  Just wait and see because I am here to prove myself each and every night I step inside the squared circle.  If you think what I did at the rumble was impressive then rest assured you haven’t seen me at my best.  You have not seen me tap into my true potential.  I am just getting started here in Championship Wrestling Federation and you better believe that if nothing else about me.  From the Paramount Championship to the World Heavyweight Championship, they could all be mine one-day.  I am more than my words and now is the time to prove it.”

[.-Fin-.]
 



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