As the scene opens we find our hero Thomas Roll sat in a bathtub at the top of a hill covered in snow. He sits in the heavy bathtub whilst wearing snowboarding goggles looking down the snowy hill.
"Ahh nothing like snowboarding down a hill on a hot summers day is there Sergeant Bananas?"
Thomas looks towards the pet monkey sat on his shoulder.
"What do you mean this isn't a snowboard?"
Thomas looks down.
"By jove! You're right this a bathtub how silly I am!"
Thomas jumps out of the bathtub and slides down the hill on his bottom. When he gets to the bottom he picks up a can of pepsi and begins to take a sip as he walks through the snow.
"Well well well it looks as though the CWF management have taken me seriously like I deserve by putting me in a match against someone of my caliber! A two time world champion! Now let me get one thing straight with you MJ FLAIR! IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!
I honestly don't give a crap how many world titles you have under your belt. Do you know how many world titles I have won in my career? 238! Yeah you heard me 764 titles! You think you have what it takes to go up against a man with talents like me?
You think with your MJ nickname that you're Michael Jackson or something? Well I'm sorry lady but you don't even come close to the king of pop! Can you sing!? Can you dance?! Pfft you can barely even wrestle! Yeah that's right Michael Jackson is also a good wrestler! Little known fact about him.
You think you're as good as him? You think you have flair and charisma? From what I have heard from you you're about as dull and interesting as a plank of wood. Wheres the personality? You have the name flair but where is it? You're a boring old crone of a woman.
You're about as fun as sticking a dishbrush up your anal passage, not that I have ever tried that. Well maybe once but that's because I got a saucer stuck up there that needed cleaning! Anyway that isn't the point! The point of all this is that I am the greatest superstar of my generation.
I have watched a few of your old promos and I'm sorry to say that they bored my so much I turned them off in favor of sticking my finger into a light socket. Sure it hurt and almost killed me, but all of that was much more exciting than listening to the borefest that comes out of your mouth.
I mean to me you just sound like somone who is so obsessed with the business that your entire life has become about it. You seem like your personality is generic wrestler 5 out of some computer game. Seriously I don't know how you don't send yourself to sleep with the dullness that spews out of your yapper.
Anyway MJ Fair this week I'm going to like your name suggests take you to the fair.
I'm going tofirst take you through the hall of mirrors and show you how ugly you are, then I'm going to scare you on the ghost train, then finally I'm going to spin you around like a ferris wheel when I kick your teeth in with the Big Whirly which I might add is the most dangerous move in the history of wrestling banned in over 97 countries. I have killed at least 7 people with it and you just might be the next on my list!"
Then a penguin appears from nowhere.
"Oh hey George how's tricks?"
"I'm all good Thomas just thought I would tell you that this week I will be using my flippers to clap for you in your debut match."
"Oh thanks that's great to know George you are such a good penguin pal!"
"Just make me proud Thomas, MAKE ME FLIPPING PROUD!"
"Oh I will do the CWF won't know what's hit it Thomas Roll is going to destroy MJ chocolate McClair or whatever the hell she calls herself!"
The penguin coughs.
"WAIT A MINUTE I KNOW THAT COUGH!"
Thomas leans forward and pulls off the penguin's mask. IT'S DJ GURTOOTH! The DJ starts spinning the decks as Thomas and his monkey dance the night away as the scene ends.
"The concession stands are now selling those cheap hotel room round soap disks that I have personally blessed for $100’s a bar….AND SINNERS….I suggest you buy one, and use it, because if you think your God wants you in his heaven smelling like a 3am New York City uber ride you got another thing coming."