March 12, 2005 - Empire Pro Wrestling's Russian Roulette
The Main Event - EPW World Champion Beast vs. Dis
JOINED IN PROGRESS....
Dean Thomas: The champion is undaunted but tired as he slowly, carefully pulls Dis up off the mat... pulls him in and sends him into the corner with the Irish whip. Charges in after him, and there's the big knee lift to the sternum!
Dean Matthews: That's gonna really shake up a little guy like Dis. If Beast wants to have any chance of winning he's gonna keep throwing his weight around. He's on tough footing, but if he can keep the momentum-
DT: Wait, Beast locking the arms around Dis... Backs up... BELLY-TO-BELLY!
DM: That was kind of a ponderous suplex... Beast's worn out, but he's keeping the pressure on.
DT: Dis is reeling on the canvas now... Beast slumps back in the corner, trying to gain back some of his stamina. Slowly, Dis beginning to come to his feet...
Mike Neely: Hit 'em, Loafy!
DT: Up comes Dis... Beast storms out of the corner and CRAMS Dis' face into the mat with the big bulldog! The cover!
...NO! Dis gets that shoulder up!
MN: YEAH! Eat that, Loafy!
DM: I wouldn't be so excited, Neels... Beast is picking Dis apart bit by bit here.
MN: Lies! All lies!
DT: Again Beast cradling that masked head of Dis and pulling him up to his feet... PULLS HIM INTO A STANDING HEADSCISSORS... WE COULD SEE AN ABSOLUTION! HOOKS THE ARMS... NO! Dis pulls Beast's legs out from under him and rolls over for the bridge pin! This could be over!
...NO! BEAST KICKED OUT AT THE LAST SECOND!
MN: THAT WAS THREE!
DT: I can't believe Beast kicked out of that! What heart by the champion!
DM: That man is a TANK.
DT: Slowly Beast beginning to roll to his feet... and Dis just FLIPS OUT and starts kicking Beast in the head and upper back repeatedly! Now dropping to his knees and slugging Beast in the mouth repeatedly! The referee tries to intervene - Dis shouts him down!
DM: Dis is all fired up! He's getting frustrated at Beast's resilience and he just wants to put him away!
DM: Dis is... DISSIN' HIM! Hah!
DT: Now Dis finally pulling Beast off the canvas and backing him into the ropes, and there's the series of jabs and forearms, pushes him back and slingshots him into the Irish whip. Runs towards Beast on the rebound... SPINNING HEADSCISSORS INTO A DDT DESTROYS BEAST COMPLETELY! COVER! IT'S OVER!
...NO! NO! MY GOD, HOW THE HELL DID BEAST KICK OUT?!
DT: Dis now YANKING Beast off the canvas! GOING UP FOR THE HURRICANRANA... BEAST GRABS AHOLD... THEY'RE FIGHTING OVER IT... DIS WITH THE RIGHT HANDS TO THE HEAD, AND HE HURRICANRANAS BEAST TO THE OUTSIDE BUT FALLS OVER THE TOP ROPE WITH HIM AND BOTH MEN ARE DOWN ON THE OUTSIDE!
MN: Bodies are everywhere! This is complete carnage! It's like a massacre out here!
DT: The referee's starting the count, but Beast and Dis aren't moving!
DM: Come on, come on, get up!
DT: Beast starting to stir... Dis beginning to pull himself up with the help of the ring barricade...
MN: Come on, Dis...
DT: Both men unsteadily to their feet... Dis moves first, looking to slug Beast in the jaw, but BEAST GRABS HIM BY THE WAIST AND PLOWS HIM INTO THE BARRICADE!
DM: That was BRUTAL!
DT: Wait a minute... Dis being hooked up by Beast... the champion SPINS HIM AROUND... BRINGS HIM UP AND OH MY GOD HE JUST SUPLEXED DIS BACK-FIRST ACROSS THE BARRICADE! SWEET JESUS, HE'LL KILL HIM!
DM: MY GOD! HE'LL CRACK HIS SPINE IN TWO!
MN: LOOK AT DIS TWITCHING!
DT: WHAT A DESTRUCTIVE MANEUVER BY THE CHAMPION! The referee's still counting! Beast picks up Dis tiredly... PULLS HIM ONTO THE APRON AND GETS INTO THE RING... SUPLEXES DIS OVER THE ROPES AND BACK INTO THE RING!
DM: Beast is just PUNISHING the challenger right now!
DT: Again the World Champion bringing his opponent to his feet... Irish whip... Dis reverses... Beast rebounds... Dis with the CLOTHESLINE BUT BEAST DUCKS AND DIS WINGS THE REFEREE!
DT: Dis turning to go after Beast - BEAST WITH THE BOOT TO THE GUT! HOOKS UP DIS IN THE HEADSCISSORS! HOOKS THE ARMS! THIS CROWD IS GOING CRAZY! WE COULD SEE AN ABSOLUTION HERE - WAIT A MINUTE - SOMEONE JUST REACHED IN FROM RINGSIDE AND PULLED DIS AWAY FROM BEAST BY THE LEG - IT'S THE OTHER DIS!
DM: WHAT THE HELL?!
DT: THE SECOND DIS PULLS THE FIRST TO THE OUTSIDE! NOW HAMMERING AT THE FIRST DIS! JUST SLUGGING AWAY! RIGHT HAND! RIGHT HAND! RIGHT HAND! WHAT THE HELL IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!
MN: Loafy doesn't like this!
DT: Beast is FURIOUS! Starting out of the ring to break it up -
DT: LOOK OUT, CROSS JUST CAME OUT THROUGH THE CURTAIN AND HE'S NOW SLUGGING AT THE SECOND DIS! THE SECOND DIS DROPS THE FIRST DIS AND SLUGS BACK AT CROSS! THEY'RE GOING SHOT FOR SHOT! CROSS KNOCKS THE SECOND DIS OVER THE RING BARRICADE AND GOES OVER AFTER HIM!
DM: THIS IS CRAZY! It's an all-out heap of chaos!
DT: DIS 2 AND CROSS BRAWLING IN THE CROWD! THEY'RE EXCHANGING RIGHTS AND LEFTS, TRYING TO GET THE BETTER OF EACH OTHER!
DM: Beast getting back into the ring... He's just watching the brawl!
DT: Cross NAILS Dis 2 with the huge knee to the gut and throws him down! Going to hit him in the face - DIS 2 GRABS A BEER FROM A FAN AND RAMS IT INTO CROSS' FACE!!!
MN: They're gonna kill each other!
DT: Cross trying to recover WAIT A MINUTE THE FIRST DIS JUST ROLLED UP BEAST FROM BEHIND -
THREE NO BEAST KICKS OUT AND GRABS DIS AND TOSSES HIM RIGHT OUT OF THE RING TO THE FLOOR! Now he's going down after him - Slugging away at Dis! Right hand! Right hand - DIS ELBOWS BEAST IN THE GUT AND SMASHES HIS FACE AGAINST THE RING BARRIER, AND THE OFFICIAL ISN'T EVEN BOTHERING TO COUNT ANYMORE!
DM: The ref can't even control this... it's madness!
MN: And Cross and Dis 2 are STILL killing each other - HOLY CRAP CROSS JUST THREW DIS 2 FACE-FIRST INTO A WALL!
(SPLITSCREEN: Dis and Beast on the larger left screen, Cross and Dis 2 on the smaller right screen.)
DT: Beast's reeling here - wait, Dis REACHES INTO THE CROWD - PULLS OUT A FOLDING CHAIR - SWINGS AT BEAST BUT BEAST PUNCHES THE CHAIR TO BLOCK THE SHOT! DIS SWINGS AGAIN AND CONNECTS RIGHT TO THE HEAD OF BEAST -
MN: Cross is just BASHING DIS 2'S FACE AGAINST THE WALL - DIS 2 GETS AHOLD OF A MOP AND JABS CROSS IN THE GUT THEN CLUBS HIM IN THE CHEST WITH IT -
DT: Dis throws the chair into the ring! Rolling Beast in after it -
DM: Dis 2 is just WAILING ON CROSS WITH THAT MOP STICK! Cross twitching with every blow as Dis 2 just GOES TO TOWN! Drops the mop and starts KICKING THE HELL out of him -
MN: Too much at once! Too much!
DM: CROSS GRABS DIS 2 BY THE LEG AND PULLS HIM DOWN AND STARTS PUNCHING THE HELL OUT OF HIM -
DT: Dis has got the CHAIR again... Dammit, the referee needs to STOP this! DIS SWINGS - BEAST PUNCHES THE CHAIR RIGHT INTO DIS' FACE! DIS GOES DOWN! Beast looking at the chair... THE CROWD WANTS HIM TO TAKE IT... BEAST PICKS UP THE CHAIR!
MN: HIT HIM, LOAFY!
DM: HIT HIM!
MN: HIT HIM!
DM: WHY DOESN'T HE HIT HIM?!
DT: BEAST'S HESITANT! HE DOESN'T WANT TO HIT DIS WITH THE CHAIR -
(**WHAM**) (CROWD: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
DT: - DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! DIS JUST KICKED BEAST SQUARE IN THE GROIN! BEAST DOUBLES OVER IN AGONY AND DROPS THE CHAIR! DIS DOESN'T HESITATE! HOOKS THE HEAD! DAMMIT, DDT TO BEAST ON THE STEEL CHAIR!!!
MN: HAHAHAHA! YEAH!!! IT'S OVER!!!
DM: Where the HELL is Dis going?!
DT: Dis going up top! This crowd is on its feet! DIS COMES OFF THE TOP - MY GOD 450 SPLASH CONNECTS TO BEAST ON THE CHAIR!!! THE COVER! DIS MAKES THE COVER!!!
(CROWD: *ENORMOUS POP!*)
DT: OH MY GOD HOW THE HELL DID BEAST GET THE SHOULDER UP?!?!
MN: HOLY CRAP THAT'S NUTS!!! THIS MATCH WAS OVER!!
DM: NO WAY! NO WAY! THAT SHOULD'VE ENDED IT!!!
DT: DIS CANNOT BELIEVE THIS! HE'S HOLDING HIS HEAD IN AMAZEMENT! HE THOUGHT THAT WAS IT!
DM: Geez, and Dis 2 and Cross are brawling through the crowd... CROSS NAILS DIS 2 WITH A CHAIR BUT DIS 2 DOESN'T GO DOWN! CROSS NAILS HIM AGAIN AND DIS 2 COLLAPSES! CROSS SWINGS THE CHAIR AGAIN - DIS 2 SOMEHOW TRIPS HIM INTO ANOTHER CHAIR!
DT: Back to the ring! Dis having some trouble as he pulls Beast up to his feet... pulling... got him! Elbow to the face! JUMPS UP FOR THE HURRICANRANA - WAIT BEAST CATCHES HIM - THEY'RE FIGHTING BACK AND FORTH -
DM: BEAST'S OVERPOWERING HIM -
DT: POWERBOMB BY BEAST WAIT NO DIS ROLLS THROUGH WITH THE SUNSET FLIP - ONE - TWO - DAMMIT DIS GRABS THE ROPES - THREE!!! - DAMMIT DAMMIT DIS JUST SCREWED BEAST OUT OF THIS MATCH BY HOLDING ONTO THE ******* ROPES AND THIS MATCH IS OVER DAMMIT!!!
(SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.)
(CROWD: *APE**** INSANE MANIAC ROOFEXPLODING POP*)
TONY FATORA: Here is your winnerrrrr and the NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW EM-PIRE PRO WRESTLING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAM-PION OF THE WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD... DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
DM: MY GOD WHAT AN UPSET!!! DIS JUST STOLE THIS MATCH RIGHT OUT OF THE BLUE!
DT: AND LOOK AT THE SHOCK ON BEAST'S FACE!
(Cut to a shot of Beast sitting up. His eyes are as wide as saucepans and his mouth hangs open, disbelief etched across his face as he stares blankly into the empty space before him.)
DT: Beast can't believe it! He's completely in shock!
MN: HAH! Loafy's beside himself! He can't believe he just lost the title!
MN: What was THAT?!
(Cut to the brawl in the crowd.)
DT: Looks like Cross just LEVELED Dis 2 with a CHAIR! Grabs the second Dis - WHEELS him face-first into a wall! Now hammering at the back of the head of Dis! Bashes his head into a service room door! Bashes it again! Pushes the door open and SLAMS Dis 2 into a service shelf - WAIT A MINUTE DIS 2'S MASK GOT CAUGHT ON THE EDGE OF THE SHELF AND GOT PULLED BAC -
DM: GET A CAMERA ON HIM GET A CAMERA ON HIM!!!
MN: WHO IS IT?!?!
DT: CROSS IS JUST STARING AT DIS 2 LIKE HE'S SEEN A GHOST - DIS 2 PULLS THE MASK DOWN AND PUSHES CROSS BACK INTO THE DOOR AND RUNS AWAY THROUGH THE CROWD BEFORE CROSS CAN REACT! Cross shakes himself off and runs after him!
DM: Who WAS that masked man?!
MN: ...Forget that! Who's the REAL Dis?!
(Cut back to the ring. Beast sits in the corner of the ring, still staring emptily at Dis. The masked man moves slowly to the center of the ring, carefully winding the belt around his waist and latching it.)
DT: Could this finally be it?! Could we finally find out who hides behind the mask?!
MN: TROY WINDHAM TROY WINDHAM!
MN: Christian Sands!
DT: Dis reaching down now... undoing something on his shoes... Steps forward... He just LEFT THE BOTTOM OF HIS SHOES BEHIND! Lifts! Lifts in Dis's shoes!
MN: Wow, he's actually a couple inches shorter... maybe around six two, six three...
DM: Tall enough for Sands... Too short for Zero... Just right for HORNET OR WINDHAM...
DT: Dis UNBUTTONING HIS SHIRT NOW... Slides it aside... There's... there's a wraparound CHEST PROTECTOR under there... slides THAT off now...
DM: Light guy... Windham... Melton?
MN: He's really, really slim... kind of lean and sleek, really...
DM: Beast's expression just turned to STONE...
DT: Dis reaching back now... UNLACING THE MASK... Tips his head forward... AND OUT FALLS A NEST OF LONG CURLY HAIR...
DM: OH JESUS CHRIST IT CAN'T BE...
MN: NO WAY... NO WAY...
DT: DIS FINALLY DROPS THE MASK AND LIFTS HIS HEAD AND OH MY F(BOMB)ING GOD IT'S LINDSAY TROY!!! JESUS CHRIST ON A ******* POGO STICK LINDSAY TROY WAS DIS ALL ALONG AND NOW SHE'S THE NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!
MN: NO!!! NO F(BOMB)ING WAY!!!
DM: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! LINDSAY ******* TROY!!!
DT: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS TURN OF EVENTS, AND FROM A LOOK AT HIS FACE BEAST CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER BECAUSE HE JUST TURNED AS WHITE AS A GHOST AND HIS EYES ARE ABOUT READY TO BUG OUT OF HIS HEAD!!!
MN: HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK!!!
DM: I... I just... MY GOD! I would never have guessed! LINDSAY TROY!
MN: I was SURE it was Troy Windham!
DT: In all my years I've never been as shocked as I am right now! I didn't see this coming in a million years -
(CUE UP: "Zero" - Smashing Pumpkins)
DT: - And hold onto your horses 'cause HERE COMES DAN RYAN!!!
(Cut to the ramp, where Dan Ryan walks slowly out through the curtain, Boogie Smallz standing alongside him. Ryan stares down at the ring, crossing his arms across his chest... then slowly shakes his head, tsk-tsking in disappointment. Cut to Beast's face as he stares in shock at Ryan. His expression slowly begins to shift, slithering bit by bit from shocked to furious, his brows dropping into a V and his jaw tightening painfully. Finally, cut to Lindsay Troy standing against the ropes, hands crossed over the World Title as she smirks across the intervening distance between herself and Dan Ryan. A moment later, Ryan turns and departs, leaving us with a final shot of Troy smirking.)
(Fade to credits, then to black...)
JUST A FEW MOMENTS LATER....
Emotions were high backstage. Nobody knew that the the masked competitor known as Dis, who had been making a mark in Empire Pro for months... was Lindsay Troy. The buzz in the air was palpable for many reasons - the shock, of course, but this was the first time in the circle of companies known as FWCentral that a woman had risen to the very top of a company to represent them as their World Champion.
Within a moment, Lindsay Troy came through the curtain, probably not knowing what to expect. What she was met with was a thunderous applause. The Queen of the Ring locked eyes with Empire Pro owner Dan Ryan, who absolutely beamed with pride as his thunderously clapped his massive hands together. Troy couldn't stop the build up of moisture at the corner of her eyes as she struggled to keep her emotions in check.
But it was her moment, no doubt. And she had absolutely earned it.
The beginning of a beautiful friendship. The beginning of FAMILY.
You want to be World Champion, eh Duce?
Dan Ryan looks out over his view of the Rockies to the West from the second floor balcony of his rented home.
And you'll do ANYTHING to get it, you say? Anything to get it.
Boy you're stupid.
Ryan rolls his eyes and walks over to a couch on this outdoor patio and takes a seat.
This could have been a simple matter of seeing who is the best. Who is the best wrestler in the company? I'm not gonna say the world, because while I think I can rightly make a serious claim to that title, it's very clear that you... are not ready. So what could have been a simple matter of two men clashing in the ring to see who is better, you decided to make it personal. You, in a meaningless warmup match a week before your title shot, decide to put a chain in your knee pad and knee me in the head for a meaningless win that got you.... nothing.
Nothing, except my attention. Nothing, except to manage to piss me the fuck off. Now, so far I've been very nice to you, very complementary. I've given you the space to do what you need to do, to pursue your ambitions while I expertly handle the old Forsaken crew and shove them off of the figurative cliff. But now, you've made the very old and very foolish mistake of thinking that if only you did something bold, if only you did something SHOCKING, you would get some respect. You thought, I'll cheap shot the champion and people will take notice of Duce Jones. People will see that I'm not the man to be fucked with.
Well Duce, I'm sorry to tell you but....
You just fucked with the real man not to fuck with. You must not read. You must not have the video tape. You must not have had the right friends to tell you that of all the men to fuck with in this world, I am the primo number one mother fucker not to fuck with. So, you got a friend out there to help you out, eh? Got a brother by your side to have your back through thick and thin? Well hey, I got friends too. In fact, I got family. You know what the difference is between friends and family, Duce? It's blood. And I'm gonna tell you right now -- my family beats your friends any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
And now, you've put me into a position I didn't really want to be in. You've put me back in kill mode. You think this is just about you making people take notice, but you haven't really thought this through. You've got your buddy Byson, you got friends back home, you got family cheering you on -- or as I like to put it -- you've got weaknesses.
And you just fucked with the absolute master of finding weaknesses and exploiting them. You just fucked with the one man who will fuck up your life without remorse just to keep this belt around my waist. And you asked.... you ASKED for an 'I Quit' match.
Ryan waves a hand dismissively.
See, ultimately while I was happy to give you the title shot you earned, you've never meant anything to me. Let's be real about that. Civility and kindness are easily phoned in and I don't waste my energy hating someone who hasn't done enough to earn my hate. But you hit me in the head with a foreign object and knock me out, then you ask for stipulations in our match that make it legal for me to pretty much do whatever I want to you -- I dunno man, that kinda sounds like punching a man in the face, then putting a blindfold on. A smarter man might have lured me into a false sense of security, facing you in a match for the world championship, fighting you straight up with no motivation other than to keep the gold around my waist. A smarter man might have chosen THAT moment to strike, knock me out cold and become the CWF World Champion.
But that's why I'm me and I'm you. I'd use the element of surprise and win the gold. You'd use it in a pointless tag match and win nothing. I'd use the chain around my fist and be just fine. You'd tuck it in your kneepad and still have a sore knee almost a week later. That's why I'm the champion and you're not. That's why I'm smart and you're stupid.
So now you probably think we're gonna have some classic submission based match -- we're gonna trade figure fours and shit. I'm gonna show you my armbar. Nah man, I'm about to pound you into a fuckin' red stain on the canvas, then force you to say 'I Quit' in the most humiliating way possible. You want the full fuckin' experience? Come get it.
You're out in the fuckin' boondocks playin' patty cake with your boy Byson tryin' to find your next hit. You're a joke, your inability to imagine even simple strategy makes you out to be a fuckin' nincom-fuckin-poop, and I'm suddenly shocked and disappointed that I have to share the same room with you, let alone the same ring, you red-eyed, pot smokin', mush mouth talking disappointment to your mother, amateurish cunt. I don't like your cunt face. I don't like your cunt stupidity, I don't like your cunt personality, and I don't like you -- CUNT.
Ryan leans forward, his face now serious as a heart attack.
So, let me promise you something. You will not win the CWF World Championship. Of that I am more certain than anything else in my entire life. And not only will you not win the championship, you will regret ever having made the very unfortunate mistake of trying to escalate this situation up to personal. You will tell people about the time you fucked up and tried to take advantage of the champ. You'll tell the story, you'll ice your knee, look out into the distant sunset and remember what could have been while the nurse changes your bedpan and gives you more jello.
YOU wanna be champ? You don't have the first clue what it takes to be on top of the world. I've got bigger fish to fry than you -- go back to your fuckin' hovel, and take your edibles with you.
Real men got real shit to do.
Ryan leans back, tilting his head backward and looking down at the camera as we....
"The concession stands are now selling those cheap hotel room round soap disks that I have personally blessed for $100’s a bar….AND SINNERS….I suggest you buy one, and use it, because if you think your God wants you in his heaven smelling like a 3am New York City uber ride you got another thing coming."