“You guys sure, I can't put a hit out on him?”
“No!” Freddie and me collectively shouted.
“So how do we handle this shit?”
“Fa what it's worth, Doc cleared me f'next week…”
“Okay… What does that have to do with anything?”
“Fa startas, Freddie and me get him and Tha Shadow in a match..”
“These guys really have been a thorn in our side for a few weeks now.. and with what they pulled tonight.. I'm ready to put my knee through their faces!” Freddie said with a fire in his eye.
“So you guys want to handle this with wrestling?” Byson questioned. “All I have to do is make one phone call..”
“Yeah… we good.. Freddie and me gon handle Rig, dem boys and tha whole nation of snakes dat ride wit em..” I stated with confidence.
Byson glanced at me observingly, then shift his focus to Freddie and then back at me.
“Are you sure…?”
“Look bruh.. let's get sum shit clear. Freddie and me, been doin’ dis shit! There ain't too many teams dat can fuck wit a picture of us. Specially not some backwood hillbilly rednecks, who like t'get they dick sucked while they take a shit. Seriously who t'fuck does shit like dat?”
“You've never had a blumpkin?”
Freddie and me give each other a suspicious side eye, before staring at Byson.
“I might not have had this body long, but I've done more shit than you guys could possibly dream. Don't knock it til you try it.”
At that moment, I felt deftly ill but the blunt that I was rolling was about to kill all of that nausea. Bringing it to my lips, I set it ablaze.
“So you just smoke that shit anywhere huh?” Byson asked as I exhaled the smoke.
“Don't knock it til y'try it..” Cough. I take another pull before passing the blunt to Freddie. “Just be thankful it's saved y'life on mo’ than one occasion.”
“First off I have tried it and it just wasn't for me.. I got more than my fair share when we were linked together..”
“This is some good shit..” Freddie interrupted as he handed the blunt back to me.
“Secondly, why are we still sitting in this god forsaken limo, with the fucking axels missing!?”
“Yeah… I was wondering why we just didn't get a cab or an Uber..” Freddie stated.
Taking a drag before passing the ganja back to Freddie. “Do they even have Uber ova here?”
“Uber's everywhere dude..” Freddie said nonchalantly, passing the weed back to me. “Good thing I ordered one a few minutes ago.”
Cough. Cough. Cough.
“Right..” I responded.
Byson looked on, almost in disgust, he responds sarcastically. “But you guys are the team to beat?”
“We are three times tag champs..”
“Who fuckin’ betta' than us?”
“Right now it's that Billy Bob motherfucker, especially with the way he's been manhandling us round here lately..”
“Us? He's been manhandlin’ y'all.. Tha sumbitch ain't been properly introDuced to me yet.”
“So what, you're King Kong to Godzilla and we were the helpless, who tried our best!?”
“Bruh.. You can't wrestle.. I don't know why yo dumbass got in tha ring in tha first fuckin’ place!”
“Shit! There goes my ride… You guys want a lift or y'all gonna stay here and bitch each other out like little children?” Freddie ask as he hits the blunt one final time before handing it back to me and then exiting the limo.
“I still gotta clear my head a bit, mane. Preciate it though, we'll catch up wit ya, befo’ we leave f'tha next show..”
“Alright, you guys need to figure something out quick, I see Fridge gathering the crew up..”
“Mane… Fridge kno’ what's up, they probably wanna hit tha blunt..”
Freddie laughs as he shuts the door, leaving Byson and me alone inside of the limo.
“Duce are you good bro?”
“Ever since Trent slashed your face up…”
“Don’t eva brang dat muthafucka's name up eva again…”
“I'm just saying bro, you have to move past that.. you won the match right?”
“Funny.. Y'kno’ it's bigga than dat.. Dat muthafucka almost cost me my career! Tha plan was t'kick his ass and then set my sights on tha World title… shit was flawless..”
“Fuck you… look all I'm saying is that you should channel all that anger.”
“Awe it's gettin’ channeled alright.. I've been tryna focus on Rig and tha Fifth Wheel, but he's small fish in a bigga pond.”
“What the hell is bigger than Rig?”
“Tha World title.. MY World title… Mane Bys.. almost a year.. almost a muthafuckin’ year since I've held it.. I thought gettin’ wit Freddie t'form tha Aces we were going to prove that no one else on the rosta’ was a match f'us.. and we did dat shit.. We thought the opportunities would be rollin’ in, legit title shots.. Instead it's like my title reign wasn't shit but an asterisk. A fuckin’ footnote! Sure everyone likes t'give me credit f'winnin’ tha belt.. Yet no one wants to talk bout the fuck up way I lost dat belt!”
“I understand your pain bro, it's going to be fine.. Before you know it, you'll have it back.. Trust me on that..”
“Awe I kno’ dat..”
“T'fuck is dat?”
“I took Freddie's advice and ordered an Uber.. We gotta get you ready to prove a fucking point.. c’mon bro, let's get out of here..”
I nod in agreement, putting what's left of my blunt out as we both exit the limo, head over to the Uber and get inside, riding off into the Australian night.
If you were to ask me what I was afraid of… automatically I'd tell you nothing, but that's furthest from the truth.
Yep.. heights… you could call it my achilles heel, or whatever clever term that's used to make that shit sound fancy. But yeah heights….
Imagine the fear I had getting on the plane to even get to Australia.. Can you say anxiety on a thousand. But here I sit..
Oh… where you may ask?
For some reason, I talked myself into conquering one of my fears, right here.. right now.. That's why I'm sitting right here... on top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Now I know, what the fuck was I smoking, when I made this decision? My answer? I think I've smoked too much, but like I said.. here I sit and would you believe the CWF actually spent a few coins to have a drone sent over my way.
I should've rolled one before I got up here… Talk about being high as a giraffe pussy.. But that's water under the bridge, it's time to talk some shit.
“Sup, CWF! Did ya miss me? I'm pretty sho ya didn't, but who gives a fuck? Tha Kid Dat Neva Dies is back! And I've got some shit t'get off my chest.. First thangs first, congrats to Tha Shadow or Shad as you're so affectionately called by Taxi… By tha way.. y'all folks saw him take it t'tha next level at Modern Warfare? Impressive shit, my guy, impressive.. But let's jump back t'you Shad..”
I balance myself as I stand fully upright at the top of the bridge and begin to give him a standing ovation.
“Congrats mane, you ran tha gauntlet and walked away wit dat CWF World Championship.. Bravo, mane, bravo.. But I see you feel y’still got a point t'prove.. Even goin’ so far as to offerin’ MJ a shot at y'belt fo’ some kinda validation.. Cute.. Now I'ma be real.. as far as what happened during tha three-way at Frozen Over… is lost on me. Seriously, anythang dat happened afta’ Loki split my shit and knocked me out… is really a blur.. But my question t'ya is dis.. what difference does it make how y'became World Champion.. as long as you're tha champ.. right?
You've been round dis business longa' than I have, yet y'still have honor left in ya. Shiddd... no less than a year of bein’ back in America and dat shit was out tha window. True enough, honor brought me tha Academy Championship.. hell it brought me tha World Championship too.. Now I kno’ I don't like t'talk bout it dat much. But that way I was fucked outta tha belt, still doesn't sit right wit me.”
I proceed to carefully take my seat. The Australian wind sending my locks flailing.
“I'm smokin’ tha fattest blunt, when I get down from here… But Shad.. is it safe t'say dat we've had our fair share of encountas inside of dat squared circle? And I also thank it's safe t'say dat I've had ya numba on mo’ than one occasion. It's just crazy t'me how we debuted on tha same night and we've traveled down almost similar roads. Won tha same amount of titles, well almost tha same amount, dat's besides tha point. Point is, you're familiar wit tha Aces.. you kno’ how we get down..
So why don't ya inform ya potna bout us, Mr. Choo Choo himself.. Mr. Oklahoma! Seriously… who tha fuck is dis guy? I mean he's made a lil bit of noise, but dat's only cuz tha fat fuck weigh half a gotdamn ton.. Give em three beers and he's goin’ down easy… Shad ya might be in fo’ a long night wit dis dude wit ya..”
I carefully stand back up.
“I'ma put it t'ya like dis Rigsta… I've been at home watching closely.. I've seen tha way you've been barreling thru tha competition round here.. hell I've even seen tha way you've been throwin’ my homies round like they dice.. I'm not gonna sit here and front like ya ain't gon do tha same shit t'me.. Kno’ dis though, no matta' how many times ya big ass toss me cross dat rang… I'ma keep comin’ at ya, Shad kno’, sometimes ya gotta damn near kill me befo’ I stay down.. I'm gonna keep comin’, ya already kno’ how Freddie get down, hell ya just caught em slippin’. Dis time though, we won't be caught slippin’, we're gonna prove t'every last one'a you muthafuckas! Why tha Aces are tha team t'beat.
Cuz at tha end of tha day, we are tha team t'beat. Not tha Crimson Samoan Contacts, not no group who's watched too many scary movies and damn sho not some boys who've just recently been found. TGC runs CWF.. we do what we want, when tha fuck we want! So ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, we've made it to tha forty-third episode of Evolution, when we come to y'all LIVE from Sydney, New South Wales in Australia… Where tha night will be magical, but it's not because this is the return of tha Aces! But it's also gonna be a night where YOUR World Champion along with his beer drinkin, hootin’ and hollerin fat piece of shit of potna, get acquainted wit tha hottest fuckin’ tag team t'eva set foot in dis company.”
I look out over the river, taking in the scenery.
“Dat's a fact by tha way.. I'm really not reachin’..”
I stare intensely into the drone camera.
“Well maybe I am a bit, but tha only thang I'm reaching fo’ is tha top of dat mountain. A spot dat was unrighteously stolen from me and Shad, I hate t'be tha bearer of bad news… But it's a bounty on yo head and I plan t'collect. Like I said befo’, major props fa makin’ it all tha way through Modern Warfare, which I never gave a fuck bout who won. Cuz tha only thang I'm truly worried bout... Is round yo waist.”
Taking a deep breathe and then exhaling.
“And I'm gonna get dat muthafucka…”
"The concession stands are now selling those cheap hotel room round soap disks that I have personally blessed for $100’s a bar….AND SINNERS….I suggest you buy one, and use it, because if you think your God wants you in his heaven smelling like a 3am New York City uber ride you got another thing coming."