Title: This is not an angle
Featuring: Austin Bishop
Date: Sometime
Location: Somewhere
Show: Evolution 40



lol PROMOTIONS:
CSWA
NFW
TEAM
A1E
EUWC
NBW
NthWA
EWI
GXW
SCW
NAWA
MBE
WFW
DEFIANCE

 

CHAMPIONSHIPS:
FIST of DEFIANCE x3
CSWA World/UNIFIED Title x3
A1E World Title x2
NBW World Title x2

NthWA World Title x2
GXW World Title x2
VWF x2
NAWA World Title
NFW World Title

 

FUCKS AUSTIN BISHOP OR DICK FURY GIVES:
Zero

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"A Paper Champion is a champion who is considered to be a false champion.
Reasons for being called a Paper Champion are not defeating the former champion, not fighting challenging opponents or fighting very little. "
- Google

"Dan Ryan has made a career of being a Paper Champion. Not for the reasons that most would think.
But because he aligns himself with promotions that wins, losses and stories are determined not by skill,
but those behind the scenes. He literally has built a career being handed championships and not truly earning them"
- Dick Fury During a Recent Interview

"This isn't a fucking angle. This is the fucking CWF where each time you step into the ring it's a real fucking competition.
No one's handing Dan shit here except for the ass whipping I'm going to give at Evolution 40.
I'm going to break his overrated, no talented fucking neck."
- Austin Bishop when asked how he felt about facing Dan Ryan by TMZ.


If history tells us anything, it is that those who strive on competition and want to prove they are the best will always gravitate toward places in which competition is key and only the best win. It will tell us that those who lack the skills it takes to achieve true greatness, will gravitate toward places that do not rely on true competition but instead hand participation trophies to all just for "being apart of the crew." Sometimes, some of those who have been spoiled by years of being told they are "super duper awesomesauce, here take a title cause you're such a cool dude" somehow find their way into the wrong door and pop up where true competition takes precedence. Where wins are based on real skills and who truly wants it more. Places like where Austin Bishop remains undefeated by pinfall in singles competition. Places such as the Championship Wrestling Federation.

The joker this week? Dan Ryan.

Not trying to "burst his ego" or anything, but the facts must be put out there. Dan Ryan only succeeds when his skills are an afterthought as opposed to which buddy of his is running a show this week. Born in 1976, Dan has 43 years of being told lies of how good he is and being given win after win, title after title. For it to take this long for him to try his luck where how he performs actually matters, he might as well have continued to be "defiant" of doing it the right thing. With his age progressing, time is running out on making a lasting mark to end his legacy. Why would he want to throw away a lifelong facade that paints him as a true monster-among-men with a ton of accolades happily provided for nothing in return just to end his career being defeated again and again by those who compete for a living, starting with Austin Bishop?

It really makes no sense.

Dan will sit there and try to justify that it's not the case. That he really is a real boy. "Those promotions totally relied on skill when I join!" But where are the facts to back up that claim? You can pull the tapes of every place he's been involved with and the evidence is clear that skill takes the back seat if accounted for at all. His former stomping grounds of the NBW and DEFIANCE are still going strong today and anyone can easily pop on over to their head offices and they'll be glad to tell you it's not the skill that pays the bills. No, it's some guys in a room drawing straws for who should go over or carry a belt for the day. 

But hey, maybe it'll be different here in the CWF. Maybe he really is ready to give it a proper run? He did release a few videos telling us who Dan Ryan is. Oh, wait. Sorry. I was watching the ones that had the DEFIANCE branding on them. Oops. Never mind that, just forget that Dan respects the CWF so little he couldn't be assed to record something new even if the sole purpose was to introduce the CWF fan base to him. He doesn't give two shits, so why should the CWF give two shits about him? Austin Bishop and Dick Fury certainly don't. He claims to eats, speaks, and breathes wrestling in the same breath that he low key begs for a series of actions that conclude in ass play.

Well Danny Boy, educated vocabulary or not, you do not have the consent to get your rocks off anywhere near Austin or Dick's ass. In fact, the entire sexual undertone of your tape against your first round opponents really does not need to continue. Do your research. Unlike himself, Dick has that all wrapped up over here in the CWF. To be brutally honest, watching that tape, again and again, it is absolutely astonishing that you won in the first place. Kendo and Crimson Ghost must really be at the bottom of the barrel for your pathetic attempt to overcome. Really, let's take a few steps back and break it down. Let's educate those going on this journey with us what you really bring to the table here in the CWF.

THE TAPE.

”Egotistical quote” - someone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLASH.

Past shit no one cares about and is not relevant to anything

FLASH.

More past shit no one cares about and is not relevant to anything, but shows just how "bad ass" Dan Ryan can be.

FLASH.

Continuing the past shit no one cares about and is not relevant to anything.

FLASH.

The "I'm so cool" pose

BLACKNESS.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Generic "I'm so cool I do this in non-descriptive place" set up.

None description attempt at describing Dan Ryan for those who don't know him.

Idiot: This is all I know so I am automatically the master of the universe. I've totally done stuff in the past guys.

Idiot: I'm smart too. I can use big words that describe words and you don't know what to think.

Idiot: I low key call myself smart again while I talk shit about being smart. Then I talk about wanting to anally penetrate you. After that, I say what I already said in the first dialogue again because I am repetitive.

Mean guy look.

Idiot:  Like the sham wow guy, there's more! I don't just live wrestling like I've said twice already. I'm also into violence and fighting. Ooooh. I'm so bad, don't you guys see it?!

Total bro guy look.

Idiot: Apparently this is a relationship. That's how we frame things to make sure there's ass play, right? Like seriously, the homosexual undertones I'm sending are so clear! I want your bone, even if it's small, but I'll settle for you to put your pinky up my ass.

Idiot looks for reassurance that you can't tell he's really looking for a good time and not a match, however, whoever is with him is looking and saying "No dude, that's totally gay."

Idiot: Generic insults that play off of stereotypical situations surrounding the opponents that also borderline on racist. But that's cool, right? Either way, you guys and your things you do that I am so generic in describing, you sure do piss me off!

Idiot pauses. Could he be any more generic and boring with a shade of erotic tendencies?

Idiot: Roleplaying. Touching. Thrusting and boys. Oh, by the way, let's throw in the totally not overused "I'm here for the title" line that everyone who lacks skill doesn't totally say.

FADE.

Seriously. The above generalization is not satire. Dan Ryan's feeble attempt at putting himself on the same level as those in the CWF is laughable. The mere fact he won after that atrocious display makes me sick to my stomach. This is a guy who has been performing in the ring for multiple decades, slapping us in the face with shit you'd expect to be seen over at promotions who use Facebook as a platform to stream their stuff. Any respect that Dan had from this camp for his past adventures in more staged and produced promotions has gone out the window. 

Can you get any more generic and cookie cutter?

Well, the sex stuff was a bit odd to add in there too. I mean, I'm not knocking gay people at all. People like what they like. Hell, the rumor is Dick has even dipped in that ink a time or two. But I haven't seen such hidden homoerotic messages since I watched Nightmare on Elm Street 2. Why are you trying to hide it Dan? Just come on out to the ring in some leather and studs and let the world know what you're into. We don't judge here in the CWF.

But hey, what do I know? I'm just an unseen narrator in this game we call life. Maybe he'll be disowned by his family if he comes out? Trust me Dan. If they've watched your stuff, they know. We all know. But, this isn't about me. No. I could sit here all day and continue on through your tape archive and pick apart everything you've ever said or done. I could break the illusion you have created that you are as good as you say you are. I could bust the Ego Buster's ego. But I'm not going to. It just isn't my place. I can, however, introduce you to the man who undoubtedly defeats Dan Ryan in the second round of the Modern Warfare tournament at Evolution 40... Austin... Fucking... Bishop.

``````````````````````

FADE IN (Totally not stolen from almost everything Dan Ryan has ever written)

Austin Bishop paces back and forward in front of a brick wall. Beside him, dressed in an all-white suit with a blood red shirt, Dick Fury stands cockily. Using the pointer finger and thumb of his right hand, he begins at the middle of his lush stache, tracing it from the top to the bottom with each digit taking a side. He shoots a smirk into the camera. At that time, Austin stops pacing and turns toward the camera as well, standing behind Fury.

Fury: Maybe Dick was a little... hard... on the CWF last week.

He withholds a chuckle, expanding his smirk a bit.

Fury: It's true. After The First Apostle destroyed body after body every week just to be given a non-title match with the champion then be made a fool of at Frozen Over... well, releases were asked for. Yet again, it was shoved in the faces of everyone that if your last name isn't Flair or you haven't taken a backstage position with the company, you get fucked.

The smirk disappears.

Fury: But alas, contracts make just leaving difficult. 

A somber remark.

Fury:  So yea, going into the first round of Modern Warfare and facing some idiot with a stupid name and not even the piece of shit elected to force Austin to do the honors at Frozen Over, pissed Dick off.

The camera moves in just a bit, refocusing on Dick's face. He slows down his speaking as he continues in a slow and monotone way.

Fury: Learn... proper... booking.

He rolls his eyes and continues normally.

Fury:  You book Kendo to dump the big man back here. You know, the one who'd just face the champion, not a week or two before? Then, instead of using that to push the guy by putting him and Austin in a match in the first round, you throw it away. 

Fury rolls his eyes.

Fury: Dick means, the kid's a throwaway. But for fuck's sake, tell a coherent story. Instead, you book this magnificent beast behind me against some twat named Bubba Love?

Austin bishop spits on the ground.

Fury:  That's OK. While Dick was explaining to Austin the benefit of sitting at home and waiting for a contract to expire, the news came in that the Ego Buster himself was Austin's next opponent.

Fury's mood lightens a bit.

Fury: Dan Ryan is a superstar! Come on everyone! Let's celebrate him and his historic thousand-year career!

Austin Bishop doesn't lose his look of intensity but does delight us with a brief golf clap.

Fury:  Hailing from your favorite promotions that no longer exist and went down the shitter in ratings because they put people like Dan Ryan at the top.... the man who needs a lot of introductions to the current generation of fans who have never heard of him... Dan.. Fucking.. Ryan!

Fury cups his hands around his mouth and does a rendition of fans in seats before dropping them and scoffing at the camera.

Fury: When Dick said he wanted someone the same size as Austin to be brought in so there'd be more of a challenge, maybe he should have clarified they not be an old fuck who should just quit.

Bishop cracks his neck behind Dick.

Fury: This is the challenge you bring? Dan Ryan is laughable and the only reason that Austin will entertain this match is not that he wants to win the Modern Warfare tournament.. no, that's a given... but because to be the man who finally puts a nail in a coffin that should have been sealed years ago will be a fucking delight.

The confidence soars through Dick's veins.

Fury:  Dan... this is MODERN Warfare. Just so there's absolutely no confusion. Dick knows you've seen a lot of types of warfare in your days, but there are no bayonets here. No one's riding in on horseback with a sword in hand. No, it's the most modern of all warfare.. it's The First Apostle.. the destroyer of worlds.. the absolute greatest force of destruction... Austin Bishop. He is the pure definition of war.

Bishop soaks in the praises.

Fury: Just wait. In a few days when you step in the ring.. when the smoke has cleared.. and your broken down body has been pulled from the ring... then... then you will know why the new definition of Modern Warfare only reads... Austin Bishop.

He crosses his arms and stares forward. Austin Bishop snarls and we fade to black.



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