Title: Book 3 Chapter 4: What am I doing here?
Featuring: Dorian Hawkhurst
Date: Sunday, Oct 21
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Show: Evolution 33



Dorian Hawkhurst sits alone on a park bench. Underneath the pale moon on a cold Philadelphia evening, Dorian hangs his head, still unable to wrap his head around everything that is happening around him.

"I am a failure. I do nothing but let everyone down. I can’t find Mia. Ataxia’s buried alive. And Chloe… what do I tell her when I come up short time and time and time again?"

Dorian brings his hand to his mouth and takes a drink out of the can in his hand.

"When I joined the Forsaken, it was because we all understood that we were not like other people. I never thought things would go this way, man. I just don’t get it. I’m a simple man. How the hell things get so complicated?"

Dorian looks up to the heavens, looking for an answer that doesn’t come.

"Why, God? Why do let these things happen to me? It happens over and over and over again. They say You give us what we can handle. When you were sculpting us in Your image, did you decide to forge me from titanium? Or were You just having a bad day and decide that You would have some fun with me. You got some kind of bet going on? Am I going to end up in the belly of a whale?"

Hawkhurst stands up, chugs the rest of his drink, and throws the can to the ground. It’s a can of Coors Light. He begins walking along to the street, where he looks back and forth before wandering in what seems to be a random direction. He walks through the crowds on Washington St. ending up in front of a random Martial Arts school.

"Well, I’ll be…"

Dorian’s voice travels off as he watches the students inside performing their katas. Dorian stands, watching through the window completely entranced. He begins muttering to himself, remembering the time he spent training as a child.

"The one who sees things clearly through his third eye, which is his mind… we all have it. But, because of the design of our flesh, we do not go according to our nature. "

Dorian’s eyes are tearing up. His mind is somewhere far away from where he physical is in the moment, both in distance and time.

"In the beginning, we taught you there was the word. Yet, when man failed to hear the word, we were forced to teach by action. Son of a bitch!! I have to teach Jimmy through actions! I have to do something! But, what if I fail. What if I move mess up AGAIN?! I don’t know…"

Dorian throws his forearm up against the glass and lays his bandage covered head on it.

"I’ve got to find a way. I have to be better. But… how?"

Dorian turns his attention once again to the class inside. His head is somewhere between here and there.

"What was it sensei used to say?"

Dorian racks his somewhat enfeebled mind.

"When you are young, fear is caused by righteousness. When you are middle, fear is caused by choice."

Dorian lets out a long, deep sigh.

"It just ain’t that easy, man."

Dorian walks down the street some more, meandering aimlessly to lord knows where. “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed fills the air. Dorian pulls his phone out and the screen displays “Morgan” across it. Dorian looks down and spits on the sidewalk, using his sleeve to wipe his mouth before shoving his phone back into his pocket. Within seconds, the phone sounds once again. This time, Dorian leaves the phone in his pocket. The ringtone stops, and almost a second later, “The Sound of Silence” breaks the silence. This time, Dorian picks up.

"I told you, leave me alone, I need to clear my head."

Dorian hangs up before Morgan can respond and immediately shuts his phone off.

"I’m going to pay for that later. Oh, well."

Dorian slinks over to the nearest bench, plopping his ass down on it, falling with as much grace and a three toed sloth.

"What I’ve got to do is figure out how to get my head on straight. I am sick and tired of this. We’ve got the Hostile Takeover trying to pick up where Ouroboros left off. Shit, man, it’s like out of the frying pan and into the fryer. And we’ve got Jimmy Allen, Loki Sinn Tobiast Devereaux… a murderer’s row if I ever heard of one. Somehow, we have to figure out how to do this shorthanded. "

Dorian pushes his hair out of his face.

" I just have to remember, I can take jimmy Allen. I took him out at WrestleFest. I need to go after Jimmy. Right? Then again, if I can get my hands on Loki… maybe, just maybe, I can get her to answer some questions. Who am I kidding? Not bloody likely, man. Tobias, go for the new guy. That’ wannabe Gambit ass is going to easy pickings. Think about it. He thinks he’s hot shit already. I feel as though he’s just there, sometimes. Caught up in his internal monologue and barely paying attention to his own team. He’s a great talent, but he certainly doesn’t strike me as a team player. I wish… I just wish I had some direction. DAMNIT!!!"

Dorian slams his fist into the metal garbage can next to him, causing people walking near by to look around alarmed.

"Shit, I need to get my ass home."

Dorian turns his phone back on. The summary screen pops up and it shows 14 text messages from Morgan.

"Shit"

SOMETIME LATER, back in the basement of the Hawkhurst home.

Dorian is down in his studio. He seems to have cleaned himself up some, but his eyes are still kind of bloodshot.

"You know, I was out and about doubting myself earlier. As I was walking home, I remembered a talk I had with someone some time back about doubt."

"Sometimes, I feel like I am lost. I am in my own head, swimming in a sea of doubt. It’s I am out at sea and just floating there, not a soul in sight, man. As the doubt wears me down, it makes me tired. It makes my brain a little blurry. It makes me lose hope. That’s where I am at right now. That is where I was when I was coming back from my injury."

Dorian smiles as he continues with his story.

"Then, the USS Forsaken floated my way. The ship was beat up, had some holes in it, and had a crew that resembled the “Island of Misfit Toys” but it was home. I found my faith because they had faith in me. It was a good feeling, man. It was better than almost any other feeling I’ve ever had."

Dorian sighs, the smile leaves his face.

"But, then, things changed... "

Dorian lets out a deep breath.

"Mia went missing. Now, Ataxia. I feel as though I jumped out of the boat and back into the sea of doubt. That’s where I am now. It’s a cycle that repeats itself over and over and over again in my life."

"Jimmy, we’ve been through this countless times before. I’ve dealt with you before and I am sure I am going to have to dispatch you again. I don’t have time for you right now. You don’t like it? Suck my left nut and make the right one jealous."

Dorian makes a dismissive wave of his hand as he carries on.

"Loki Synn, you are, without a shadow of a doubt, hell personified. People quake in their boots at the thought of facing off against you. Bring it on, bitch. I’ve faced demons that make you look like you’re on the Disney Channel. With all the games I play with my own mind, there is nothing you could do to me that I haven’t already done to myself. "

Dorian grabs a can from off camera and takes a swig of Coors Light, putting the can down off screen with an audible thud.

"You and I, we’ve been destined to dance in the pale moonlight. The question I pose to you: which one of us is the devil? As far as I see it, for what you’ve done to my Forsaken breatheren, you’ve got yourself a receipt coming. Guess what? I will break you, little girl. You aren’t the boogie man. You are just some scared child playing dress up in hopes that you can scare the bigger, badder predators away. This isn’t Animal Planet. That trick isn’t going to work here. "

Dorian cracks his neck before continuing.

"Now, we’ve got "Bootleg Gambit" rounding out your little group. I get that you’re a Cajun. But, other than talking like your a background voice from “The Princess and the Frog”, what is there to you? Why should I care about you? Because you beat Autumn Winter? Been there. Done that."

Dorian holds up two fingers.

"Twice. Got any championships around here? Nope. Guess what? I’ve done that, too."

Dorian again holds up two fingers.

"Twice. Unlike you, I’ve earned my stripes by facing the best we have... The Shadow, Ataxia, Caledonia. Look her up, she’s great. While I haven’t always come out ahead, I have always busted my ass. It doesn’t matter if I am outclassed, outgunned or outnumbered. I will not let my depression get the better of me. And I certainly will not let the three of you get the better of me. The Shadow and I will stand up the the three of you and you will learn, no matter the score, you motherfuckers are getting hammered."

Dorian flips something off screen and it lands with a crash as the picture cuts out.



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