Title: Two v Three Ain't Bad
Featuring: Tobias Devereaux
Date: Unknown
Location: Unknown
Show: Evolution 33

Our scene opens in a “throne room” of sorts.  It is interestingly decorated with alot of purples and golds.  You would think the lakers were in town. I think to myself that this is quite beneath me playing gargoyle protector of a throne.  However I’m always one to play nice and bid time. So I stand like a silent guardian along with Jimmy. I’m not sure how much he’s enjoying playing henchman, but I’d imagine a man of his talents doesn’t appreciate it much either.  However the main event comes waltzing in. Ah the psychotic jester, Loki, itself. Playing the mind games as always. Flowing cape like shes freddy mercury coming out for the encore.

I stand there listening to Loki go on about her match against the champ.  She certainly talks a big game, Talking about how she won even in defeat, that it was a fast ten count, seems like an excuse to me.  She goes on about how she dominated the champ during the match and was a monster. Lord knows that much was the truth, must be why no one will dare stand up to contradict anything she says.  

I shift my weight on my feet and slightly roll my eyes as Loki goes on about the hypocrisy of MJF, talking about someone who harps so much on honor and doing things the right way having to use the Jester’s scepter to win.  For christ sake it was a barbwire match there is no rules, no regulations, so I don’t rightly see where she bent her morals. Never be surprised by what one will do when survival is the only goal, and best believe survival was all one could hope for in a match like that against Loki Synn. The Jester is right about one thing, the champion won’t be able to keep the jester down continually.  It will overtake and destroy, that’s what it does.

I feel a twinge of guilt knowing the true damage the Jester can cause, not only to the champion but to many others, even some closer than they’d realize.  However what is done is done, nothing can change that.

I have to stifle a chuckle as Loki kicks her feet around like a child, startling Jimmy who has to take a step away.  Can’t blame the fella, he has no idea the powers that lurk here, so blinded by his own issues and hatreds that he’s allowed himself to get tangled up with the likes of James Milenko, a man who will do anything he can do achieve his goal, damn the consequences.  Then again, I can’t say much, here I am just the same.

Loki starts to touch upon the Forsaken, our opponents for this week, a three on two handicap match.  Someone doesn’t care for them too much. After Dorian went through hell against Jimmy and Shadow went through hell against Silas.  I guess same could be said for Jimmy and Loki, so guess the only Hellbound that didn’t go through hell was me. Then again I was the only one smart enough not to fight in a damn ridiculous style match.  That’s not to say Autumn Raven was an easy battle, but taking a superkick or hurricanrana beats flaming tables and barbwire when it comes to morning aches I tell you that much.

I can’t stiffle a chuckle this time as Loki goes on another tangent about the champion. I would say for someone who doesn’t care about MJF having the belt still she’s harping on it a whole helluva lot.  

GOD DAMN that light is bright, I have to squint as me and Jimmy find ourselves thrust into the literal spotlight.  Guess you could call it a metaphor for how we’ve been thrust into the spotlight in this federation sense joining in Milenko and Loki’s crusade against the CWF.  I can’t help but wonder about this Mia person who people keep saying went missing. So frightened by what was coming she went loopy and ran away. The other one buried alive at Hellbound, it would certainly seem as The Forsaken have been infact forsaken by the gods as it were.  Now left at the distinct number disadvantage.

So would appear the first half of this duo is a on again off again alcoholic.  Everyone seems to take shots at him for that. Ha, take shots, there’s a pun in there.  Oh lord I’m becoming a dad joke guy. Loki continues on her diatribe about Dorian’s alcohol abuse and now has started threatening his daughter.  I thought Jimmy was this girls like godfather or something. Oh well that’s far too much family baby mama drama for me. I just get paid to win fights.  Hopefully the child stays out of it, I’d take no pleasure in hurting her, well I wouldn’t as long as she don’t hit me with this here cast iron skillet people mention.  Bitch hits me with that and I might rearrange my way of thinking.

Loki has changed gears to the de facto leader of the group the always wordy Shadow.  Shadow seems to me like the guy who just always has so many avenues to get to where he is going. Not going to lie, I can respect that, as a fan of contingency plans and all.  He’s most certainly the one i’d be most concerned about when it comes to the Forsaken. Mainly because he comes with a whole gaggle of friends as well. Haven’t seen them be included in matches really but ignoring their existence would be a mistake.

I officially will never eat pancakes again, for fucks sake Loki, pancakes out of bone marrow and syrup out of his blood.  The Jester’s really coming out today, hopefully it’ll reign itself back in a bit. Loki is truly enjoying playing with Shadow in regards to his inability to protect those he leads.  Maybe trying to set up a complex within himself about his ability to even lead. After all what good is a general without an army.

Have a happy, a happy what? I don’t get it, like have a happy day, have a happy life, have a happy nightmare about bone marrow pancakes. I watch as Loki saunters on her way out of the throne room as it were. I can hear Jimmy and the camera crew both sigh.  I smirk, I sometimes forget how strange this whole thing is for others. Jimmy shoots me a wink as he goes and sits on the steps of the throne. I decide to take the moment to light up a smoke, disappearing behind the large throne to do so without being scolded by the camera crew for smoking in what most assuredly is not a smoker friendly location.  

I lean up against the back of the throne listening to Jimmy prattle on about Dorian.  I know they have a lot of history but it sometimes seems more like scorn lovers than friends. People amuse me with how invested they get in one another. I can vaguely remember being that human before. Jesus some of this sounds pretty cruel, I know Jimmy is pissed at the fella but some of these are low blows in regards to the alcoholism and supporting his daughter and the whole family dynamics.  

I can’t help but choke on my smoke slightly as Jimmy says the line “My voodoo is bigger than your voodoo”.  Note to self, looking harder into The Shadow and possible voodoo connections. I hate voodoo, its right up there with other types of witchcraft, disgusting.  Not the morality of it mind you, if’n you want to damn part of your soul for power, go for it, just the actual practicing of it all. Goats blood, chicken testicles, snot rags, all sorts of bullshit that makes an episode of fear factor food edition seem like a good idea.

JImmy prattles on a bit more about Shadow and batman quotes about heros they need or deserve or something along those lines. These two really like bringing up this Mia person, note to self, look up more information on disappearance of Mia.  Also ask James for larger pay cut for putting up with this shit. I have to hold in a laugh at the stab people in the chest comment from Jimmy, that’s just stupid, the whole point of betrayal is that they don’t anticipate it, so even if you tell them fuck you to their face and kick them, it’s still a knife in the back. It’s not a literal expression.  That’s like me, I stab people in the back left and right, people know I’m going to do it, that’s why I’m sure James has taken precautions against me already. So although people know what they get with me, it’s still considered stabbing them in the back when I do what they inevitably expected me to do.

Finally it would appear Jimmy is done and wandering off, just in time, I was almost out of smokes.  I toss my cigarette off into the darkness of the room and come back around the throne. Giving the camera a small bow before sitting in the throne myself.  I slide to the side and throw my legs over one of the arms before crossing my feet. Leaning back I sigh slightly turning towards the camera.

“Dey said all de good tings ya know.  I’s not gonna prattle on harpening on all de tings dey already said.  So first of all, kudos go out to de one known as Autumn Raven for de match.  Nothing personal cher, you were just de match of de night. Yews put ole Tobias through de paces dough and gave him a good ole workout.  For dat, I tank yews.”

I stretch my arms out over my head groaning at the sound of my back popping before smirking at the camera again.

“As far as De Forsaken, somebody must not like yews all dat much. Two on tree afta de matches yew two had.  Shewwww, dat’s gotta sting, but best of luck all de same. Yew see gents, I’s not of de same mindset as dese utta two.  Loki does wha she do, and Jimmay, well yews got history. Me, I’s just here to get paid. Milenko says yews gotta go, so dat’s what I’s here to do.”

I motion for the camera to come closer, the cameraman obliges, most likely because I’m not nearly as scary as the Jester.

“See I’s not of de mind set to judge yews two for whateva it is dat yews done in de past.  I’s don’t care about de drinking, de planning, de voodoo, de family squabbles, de whole bullshittery of it all.  I only cares about two tings.”

I throw up two fingers at the last bit to emphasis the statement.

“Tobias and Money.  Now de first one, dat simple, dis whole life let alone dis business is all about self preservation as it were.  De second, well I’s not telling yew anyting yew don’t know when I says dat it makes de world go round. So please do keep in mind dat when de bell rings.  I take no joy in bendin, stretchin, and breakin yews. But I will do dose tings and everting dat I deem necessary to ensure dat Hostility, and more importantly ‘ames Milenko comes out on top.  It’s gonna feel personal, it’s gonna feel like hatred, it’s gonna feel like a vendetta against yew very souls. Dat I guarantee, however please do keep in mind, dat’s not de case. Sometimes in dis here world, bad tings, painful tings, dey just gonna have to happen, and for dat I do sincerely apologize.”

Scene fades to black.

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