Mommy has been keeping a journal for longer than I've been alive. She says she has issues, and her moods go wonky sometimes, so it's good for her to have a record of what she's thinking and feeling at any given moment. If it works for her, I'm sure it'd work for me, even though, as far as I can tell at least, I don't have the same issues. Of course, she's a musician and, while she's probably more active than I am on my best days, she doesn't bleed for a living when a gig goes off the way it should.
She has issues? No, ma'am, I have issues.
I am hurting.
Taking a shower after Hellbound was agony on all of the cuts and scrapes that I managed to take with me as souvenirs. I thought it was the temperature and the water pressure, but, sitting in my warm bathtub at home and feeling the exact same thing, it's just how it's gonna be until all these cuts heal.
At least I didn't need stitches. I was worried that the cut I got over my eye was going to require them, but just some neosporin, antiseptic, and a pair of butterfly bandages were all that were needed. Ironically, that's a thing I wouldn't have minded. I would've matched Daddy's eye scar, and that would be cool.
I'm sitting here in the corner of the main room in the basement, in an empty house, and the only company I have is my World Championship belt. I'm not sure what I feel when I look at it, except for the fact that I'm damned lucky.
Loki Synn had that match won.
I had nothing left. I couldn't even stand when she grabbed me. That scepter being another six inches away, and it ends differently. I've rewatched that match, over and over again, and I see a woman at the end of her reserves, saved by the fickle hand of fate.
Fickle hand of fate. Hah. And I thought I couldn't write lyrics.
But this is a clear sign to me that the landscape has changed. The Jay Moras are gone. The Childlike Empresses are gone. The robots and mannequins and losers are gone.
The stakes are raised for everyone, most of all the Champion. And, for the moment, that's me. Loki has James Milenko and the rest of the Hostile Takeover in her corner. Colton Mace has Jaiden Rishel in his corner. I'm sure I'll have to deal with at least one member of the Glass Ceiling if I keep the Championship long enough, and even though I've managed a few wins over Duce and Freddie... that was a lifetime ago. And who the fuck is Venom?
I need to swallow my pride and get some help, because gravity is pulling people in a few different directions and those that survive... clearly, making some friends will be a matter of survival, not a matter of leisure.
Fortunately, I'm not booked this show. Loki is - that should make it clear what's both of our physical states at the end of this stuff. Gives me a chance to recover, and a chance to survey the landscape. Honestly, I don't like the idea of taking an advantage just because of a title belt but the fact is, I did survive Loki and think I've earned this.
But it's likely to be the last breather I get for a long, long time.
I just wish I wasn't currently sitting in the basement of an empty house, because I could really use a friend right now.
Mr. Knox told me, after I won my first Championship in the CWF, that the day you win the title is probably the only time it's actually any fun: that if you can somehow manage to avoid the backstage politics, avoid getting hit by collateral damage of someone else' feud, deal with the fact that literally every other athlete you interact with - even your friends - wants to be where you are and would likely lie, cheat, steal, or kill to get there - if you can avoid all that, you've still got the entire company on your shoulders. Because you're the Champion, and the buck stops with you.
How do I avoid the pitfalls, I asked him, and he said you can't: you just need to know when you've hit your limit.
It's both good advice and completely useless advice all wrapped in one.
And I can't shake what Loki said. I took the low road. I took a cheap shot. I betrayed my values. Blah blah, blah. Mr. Knox always said he wouldn't take shortcuts because he'd rather lose legitimately than win questionably; because he'd know exactly what he deserved for the night.
She brings in a weapon, and gets pissy when I use it.
But Loki has a point... could I have beaten her in a match between the lines?
I don't know.