The picture opens to some rugged landscape, white with frost, the sun just cresting the horizon. As the camera turns, a giant of a man is standing, facing outwards across the plains, his black cloak billowing in the wind, his long blond hair doing the same. Coming closer we see that he is overlooking a city, lights dotting the frosty landscape, with a huge mine visible in the background. Turning around the man, it obviously is Christer “Fenrir” Lundmark, despite the frost shirtless, the tattoo of Mjölnir prominent on his chest, one foot raised on a large rock. Without looking at the camera, he begins to speak.
Fenrir: Kiruna, my hometown. It is a rough area to grow up and live in. The Arctic night is not an easy thing to deal with, the climate is harsh and working in the mines can be a challenge. But you know what it also does? It makes a man out of you. Not afraid to face whatever comes your way head on.
He turns his head slightly to look at the camera.
Fenrir: So congratulations, Azrael, on winning at Hellbound. Are you happy that you won? Knowing you and your odd ways of late, I guess that you are going to be sorry for winning. But then again, I would be sorry, too, if you needed-- whatever that was to win instead of beating me on your own. Are angels supposed to be weak and need outside help?
He begins to pace.
Fenrir: You want to help me, Az? Well, I guess that there is a way you indeed could! Don’t look so surprised now, yes, this Viking has figured out how you can help him.
A smile begins to play around his mouth.
Fenrir: Let me bash your head in and you will have helped me tremendously.
He laughs for a moment before turning serious again.
Fenrir: But seriously. You believe that I need help. You offer your help. I will tell you once and for all that I do not NEED your help, I do not WANT your help! *Brother* Azrael, you can claim all you want that you have not declared a religion and that you do not validate the atrocities committed in the name of religion and god, how can you associate with those that do? There is no such thing as a kind, heartful, selfless angel, even less so, if you claim to help them to the afterlife. You know what that means, correct? It means that all you deal with are the dead and the dying and last time I checked I have been breathing pretty lively. I may have a bit of a pain in the ass, but I think that is nothing a little Azraelectomy cannot take care of.
How good and benign can a god really be, if he allows atrocities like these to happen, carried out in HIS name? Wouldn’t he be trying to punish those that drag his name into the mud? Wouldn’t he try to denounce those that use violence to force others into subservience? If your god really existed, he would not let others put bloodstains on his name.
He picks up a pamphlet from a church.
Fenrir: ‘Have faith, god will take care of the rest!’ Where is his address, so I can re-direct my bills there, if he will take care of them?
He crumples up the pamphlet and throws it away.
Fenrir: It is easy to make big promises and then expect that everybody will bend over backwards to ensure that they will live exactly for the purpose of making these promises and prophecies actually come true. That is why you are nothing more but sheep, who need their shepherd to tell them where to go and what to do instead of thinking for themselves. I don’t need an angel to aid me into the afterlife, only the weak need help.
Azrael, do you see what you are doing? Do you realize what you are actually doing? You try to talk yourself down as someone someone meek, someone that only has goodness on his mind, someone that should not be seen as a threat, yet here you are, competing in one of the toughest environments, in a dog eat dog world. Isn’t one of your god’s mottos ‘If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also.’? I will gladly take him up on this, because it is one of the stupidest sayings one could ever come up with. No, I am not promoting violence, but if someone hits you, then you hit the bastard back. ‘Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ Don’t you see that there is blatant contradiction even just within your mighty bible? That even that oh so sacred piece of trash can’t give the sheep proper guidance, but sends them off into opposite directions?
Well, I hope that you have a good dentist to look after you, because I will generously apply the “tooth for a tooth” verse when we meet each other in Winnipeg.
With that he raises his fist into the air while fixing the camera in his gaze.
Fenrir: Till Valhall!
"The concession stands are now selling those cheap hotel room round soap disks that I have personally blessed for $100’s a bar….AND SINNERS….I suggest you buy one, and use it, because if you think your God wants you in his heaven smelling like a 3am New York City uber ride you got another thing coming."