[CD] The Reboot
Prior to Evo 27
“I’m TAKING out the trash…”
“I’m taking OUT the trash..”
“I’m taking out…THE trash…”
Colton Mace sighs, peering at himself in the small dusty mirror in the bathroom compartment of his on-set ‘trailer. Though the term is used very loosely. He is adorned in full costume, a very brightly orange high-vis jumpsuit, complimented by splashes of fake blood. It is for his most recent film project, an undeniably B Grade Action film about a Waste Collector turned vengeful Vigilante titled simply, The Garbage Man.
For someone as entitled and proud as Mace, with an ego the size of the Burj el Arab and a high self-opinion to match, being forced to denigrate himself by participating in such projects is the worst form of torture.
But what else can you do when you chronically like to burn bridges.
“What am I doing…” He further muses.
Gone are the good ole days, when Colton felt on top of Hollywood and the World by association (not that he honestly ever was…but Mace wouldn’t believe that. Let alone admit to it). In those days he had the star power, the pull and the recognition. Back then what Mace wanted, Mace would get.
Now however…Now there’s an unspoken competition between filmmakers from all walks of life on who can come up with the most gruesome and creative way to kill of Colton’s characters, or innovate the most embarrassing premise for the arrogant actor to ‘star’ in.
Sufficed to say times were certainly tough for the Hollywood Hot Shot, made all the worse since the…Incident.
Defeated Colton collapses onto what passes as a couch in his ‘trailer’, faded and mouldy. Desperate he pulls out his phone and dials up the number of his timid and good-natured agent, Danny Tremaine. The fact Danny is also the closest thing Mace has to a friend is often overlooked.
“Pick up you lazy son-of-a-bitch.” Mace growls impatiently.
Finally the call is answered.
“Cole? What now.” The exasperation is clear in Danny’s voice. This is not the first such phone call the two had shared.
“You gotta get me out of here man!”
“I told you the first 100 times you begged me. There’s nothing I can do.”
“I didn’t beg!”
“Well whatever. It doesn’t change the situation.”
“But it’s an absolute train wreck of a movie! And there’s a movie out there called Train Wreck that is Gone With the Wind compared to this! And that stars Amy Schumer! The Garbage Man? The title should really be Steaming Trash Heap! Surely there’s something you can do? I mean you DO owe me after you dropped the ball on Deadpool.”
“For fu-Not this again…”
If there is one thing that cannot be denied is that even just one single conversation with Colton, for even a few brief moments, will instantly ruin your day.
“We both know I would have done a far better job at the character then, that full of himself upstart, Ryan! You’re my agent for Christ’s Sake! Get. Me. Work!”
There’s silence on the other end.
“…Danny?...I’m dying here. I don’t care what you do. Or how you do it. But you gotta get me something worthwhile.”
“Well there is that other project...”
“I will NOT work with kids.”
“But it worked for Dwayne.”
“Pfft that hack!”
With a sigh, Danny takes a deep breath. If he isn’t afraid of developing a harmful dependency he would turn to alcoholism to deal with Colton and his many…Colton-ism. Such as the one just displayed, the ease in which Mace discards legitimate celebrities and their achievements. Not for the first time, nor would it be the last, Danny wonders why he even agreed to work with Mace again.
Perhaps he was secretly a closet sado-masochist who enjoyed the verbal punishment and abuse.
Or maybe it was the humble way in which Colton had come to reconcile and ask for a second chance. He seemed like a completely different person back then, one worthy of such consideration.
It hadn’t lasted long.
Confident he is once again composed, and holding back the tirade of expletives ready to launch from his tongue, Danny replies, giving Mace a hint of what he wants to hear.
“Alright. I can’t make any promises, but I’ll TRY.”
“Get me off this shitheap and I’ll shout you your next hooker. I’ll even let you pick this time.”
The last time hadn’t ended so well. Colton had made some incorrect assumptions about Danny’s tastes and preferences (completely ignoring the fact Danny is actually, happily married) and it had ended most embarrassingly.
“Fuck you Mace.”
Danny hangs up.
“TALENT ON SET! WE’RE GOING FROM THE TOP OF THE JUNKYARD SCENE.”
Colton Mace groans. During the scene in question, Colton’s character, the titular Garbage Man, is being ambushed in a Junkyard and in the process of the brawl, the main is overcome by the superior numbers and left beaten, battered and bruised. Adding insult to injury the yard’s guard dog comes up and vigorously humps the fallen ‘hero’
The sooner he can kiss this sorry excuse for a film goodbye. The better.
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