The scene opens up to an outside city street. Cars dot the road moving to and fro their destinations. It seems to be an upscale neighborhood as the sidewalk is clean and looks newer. Shop doors open as people come up and down the street attending to their various errands.
A few people on the sidewalk clear out of the way, and we see a man walking towards the camera from about a block away. As he nears the footsteps can be heard slapping the concrete, not because he’s barefooted, no… because the man is wearing flip flops! Each step causes another annoying “Clapping” sound.
He wears a pair of designer jeans, a black tshirt, with a green jacket overtop and a grey scarf around his neck and thrown over the shoulder. The man wears his black aviators and has his short hair gelled at attention.
It’s new CWF wrestler, and Hollywood star, Mikey Unlikely!
Mikey walks past the cameraman almost as if he didn’t exist. Mikey instead comes to a door, Someone inside opens the door, as they are leaving. Mikey pushes past them as if the door opening was for him!
Mikey Unlikely: Thanks Lady!
The offended woman shakes her head, as Mikey walks past, her mouth agape. Mikey walks upto the counter, this is when we see the green smock and visors!
Counter person: “Good morning Welcome to Starbucks can I help you?”
Mikey takes off his sunglasses and squints at the menu above.
Mikey Unlikely: Yes, I’ll have a Venti, Iced, Chai Tea Latte, With soy milk and light ice!
Without missing a beat the barista is punching the order into her register, and gives Mikey the total. With the wave of his iphone, the bill is paid. The Barista asks Mikey for his name.
Mikey Unlikely: Heh! Yea right!
He walks over to a comfortably looking chair, and falls into it. Finally his order is ready. The lady calls out.
Barista: YEA RIGHT? Your order is ready!
Mikey’s face goes flat. He realizes she really didn't know who he was.
He walks up and grabs the drink from the woman violently. He looks down at it, and turns to look back at the barista.
Mikey Unlikely: Cool new lid…. Can I have a straw or do you not know what that is either?
Barista: Oh i’m sorry sir I can’t!
The “World’s Greatest Sports Entertainer” raises an eyebrow confused. He walks over to the creamer area and looks for straws but finds none. He goes back to the barista, who is now helping someone else. Mikey steps in front of them.
Mikey Unlikely: Seriously though, there’s no straws out here… Can I get one?
Barista: Sir, I was helping this gentlemen, if you would be so kind….
Mikey Unlikely: All I need is a straw, then I’ll be out of your store, and you can go back to “working your way through college” or “getting your ears gaged” or “Vape a Cherry Cloud bro” I don’t care… I. Just. Want. A. Straw!
The woman behind the counter looks like she’s out of patience.
Barista: Sir, The marine ecosystem in our world is deteriorating! Did you know that for every pound of Tuna brought out of the ocean, we’re dumping in two pounds of plastic at the same rate! Straws are a big part of the problem, Starbucks has taken a stand and will no longer be offering Straws as they are a detriment to the world’s Oceans. That’s why we’ve created these cool sippy lids!
Mikey’s jaw drops. He skips a beat.
Mikey Unlikely: OK, Just so I got this, You don’t have ANY Straws? NONE!? Because the plastic is clogging up the oceans…
The barista smiles
Barista: You got it!
Mikey looks down at the cup, and back to her, he repeats the motion about 3 times before…
Mikey Unlikely: You do realize that this entire cup is made of plastic and generates about 10 times the amount of plastic in a straw right?
She looks confused.
Barista: Well Yea, but the straws are smaller and less likely to be caught through a recycling sorting process… so it’s really…
He cuts her off.
Mikey Unlikely : … The Recycling Industry’s problem! I know! That’s what I am saying. Now be a good dear and hand it over! I gotta be somewhere! Until you eliminate plastic cups and now these STUPID plastic lids, I don’t wanna hear about the environment. Sounds like you guys got cheap but the prices didn’t drop!
She goes to talk but Mikey’s not done.
Mikey Unlikely: I mean it’s totally bad enough that I have to wrestle not one but TWO jagoffs back in CWF in order to even EARN a title shot! Canyoubelieveit? EARN IT!? MIKEY UNLIKELY! HA! Don’t these people know I’ve already earned everything? These people should be handing me the belt! But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I gotta deal with Bronson Box and Dorian Hawkhurst! TWO! Do you know these clowns?
Barista: Bronson Box! Yea I know...
Mikey Unlikely: Shut up, of course you don’t! Now I have a history with Box, much like I’m building history right here today with you…. From now on, you’ll remember me as the “Straw guy” and I’m going to remember you as the last Starbuck Barista, I ever order from! Anyway where was I, oh yes, BRONSON BOX! HISTORY! STUFF! Ye we have a history, but you know what…
Mikey Looks at her name tag
Mikey Unlikely: You know what Patricia… History is boring A.F.! AMIRITE? I don’t care about our history, not because I lost…. Because i didn’t…. But because there is one thing in the world 10x better than history… SEQUELS! You see in the movie industry getting a sequel means you did something right, it means there’s more money there to be made… there must be more money with me and Box because quite frankly…. There’s no money in Box by himself! Now do me a favor sweetheart. Find the starrybucks corporate number, and you tell them that Mikey Unlikely is THROUGH with the bucks, thanks to your stupid straw policy… you got that?
She rolls her eyes and nods.
Mikey Unlikely: Good! Thank you for the coffee, even if it’s in a toddler cup! You can keep it!
Mikey leaves the coffee on the counter without drinking any of it. He pulls out his cell and calls someone as he’s leaving. Walking through the doors and the call connects.
Mikey Unlikely: GUESS WHAT THIS STUUUUUUPID BARISTA JUST TOLD ME BRUV! THEY GOT RID OF STRAWS! GONE! KAPUTZ! ZILCHO! I KNOW RIGHT! SO DUMB! WHERE SHOULD WE GET OUR FRAPPE’S NOW!?