July 5th, 2018 - 1:30pm CST
A salon. Fat women sit under the dryers as they cackle about whatever stupid gossip was just shared. It was nothing particular funny, just another sad example of how their lives did not turn out as they expected.
July 6th, 2018 - 3:45pm PST
Barbie Johnson raises her legs in the air as Chad Taylor bangs her in the back of his Volvo as the car runs through the automated car wash. If he only knew right now his wife was the ongoing joke at the local salon with all of the other wives making fun of how her husband is a whore.
July 7th, 2018 - 5pm EST
Dick Fury sits in front of his camera, unable to be assed to turn it on. His narrator, me, wonders why I am even here if he isn't going to shoot another YouTube video for his match at Evolution 25. I mean, he has the formula down now, right? A story told over multiple days that has completely different narratives. That's got to be what interest the fans of the CWF, right?
I mean, look at the top "stars" in the CWF. It's the same tired thing each and every week, and they continue to not only get all of the headlines, but lets not pretend like you're stupid. Those are the ones who are booked to go over. So this has to work right? I mean, we've covered multiple days. We've covered multiple narratives that really don't tie together or are even related to wrestling or the CWF. Now, we've added in the wrestler sitting and stirring in self pity because they have had a tough time.
Right on cue, there's a sad frown from Dick.
I mean, I'm just a narrator and all, but both Dick and I are convinced that this is what it takes. It has to be, right? Instead of the most entertaining superstar, who puts more into it than anyone who has yet to step in the ring with him, being given the spot he deserves... people like Eclipse are put over. People who have been vocal about not even wanting to face the champion who holds the title they fought for a shot at.
Because uninspired cliches put asses in the seats. Or so we are convinced.
Even I have to sigh reading the card for the next Evolution. Dick is to face Azrael, a guy who seems to only exist to enhance talents by losing for a career. This is what Dick is now? Someone who needs an enhancement talent to lay down for him? Sure, it's an easy win. But for what? To keep Dick happy so he wont go over and sign a contract somewhere else? Someplace that appreciates someone who puts everything into it and isn't just another boring cliche?
Dick isn't stupid and neither am I. Neither are the viewers who turn into Dick's YouTube channel week after week. Of course it doesn't take a genius to put it together. I mean, Dick's the new guy. Nobody wants to be beat by the new guy, and it's a fine line to book someone who has paid their dues to lose to the new guy, right?
No. But we are convinced that's what's going on. I mean, look at Dick's debut in the rumble. 16 people had more time booked in the match than Dick. People such as Krazie, Eclipse, Clark Steele... Secondary thoughts to anyone who tunes into CWF every week. But hey, a rumble is a giant exciting match that numbers don't matter. Of course, I mean, then you have the four way for the Paramount Championship shot. It should have been a five star match. But how was it booked? Dick didn't even know it was over, until it was.
Now we're here, right now. Azrael is known in religious history as "The Angel of Death." The irony is laughable. Dick's career was supposed to a resurgence, but instead... it just seems to be dying. Buried by the powers that be of the CWF. Being used as a stepping stone to make others feel better about themselves. If I could eye roll, I would eye roll so hard right now. But alas, I am just a non existent voice over.
I wish I could go back and count the number of times Dick has face someone who found the name Azrael, or even Angel of Death, their calling card. Each and every time, it's the same thing. Each and every one who could not be more original with their darkness and brooding. Cliches I tell you. It's like everyone this day and age can't have an original thought or idea. While Dick resorts to just sitting on a hotel bed I protest.
He could turn the camera on. He could tell you how he is going to beat Azrael. How the only Angel of Death going into this match is the one in his pants. But why? His time would be way better spent packing bags full of sand to send over to Azrael's room. That's what does it here anyway.
Dick will either win or lose. He'll either be booked better or he wont. Does it matter at this point? Lets just get past Evolution 25. Lets get past stupidity of unoriginality such as Azrael and lets get Dick over this hump of being the new guy. Maybe then things will get exciting. Maybe not. Who knows? I'm just a narrator.
"The concession stands are now selling those cheap hotel room round soap disks that I have personally blessed for $100’s a bar….AND SINNERS….I suggest you buy one, and use it, because if you think your God wants you in his heaven smelling like a 3am New York City uber ride you got another thing coming."