Since the Rumble, you've sit there in your boxers in total shock. Not only did Dick Fury not last but a few minutes (Something no one ever says) but Andy Murray made a surprise entrance and won the entire thing. Life just isn't fair you think to yourself as you raise the razor blade to your wrist, ready to end it all. Maybe it's the depressing ending to the Rumble, maybe it's just you watched something put out by Eclipse. Either way, tonight is the night you kill yourself.
But what's that? A notification goes off. Could it be?
You check it and sure enough, a reason to live has come before you! It appears that a brand new video has been uploaded to SuperbDick69 on YouTube. Dick Fury is ready to break his silence! You put the razor blade down and waddle over to the computer. Picking up a copy of CWF Magazine while you wait for your computer to load, you flip through the pages until you come to an article titled "The Aftermath Series, PT 1." You skim it and realize it's terrible reading before you toss the magazine in the trash next to you.
No one gives two shits.
Finally, your computer is up and you navigate to YouTube. Is that a chubby in your pants? It sure is you weird motherfucker. But that doesn't matter right now, all that matters is you are about to get an eyeful of Dick. Pressing play, the video begins to load. You squeal with excitement like the pathetic little porker you are as the latest the man, the myth, the legend begins to play,
As the video fades in, you are overcome with emotions to see Dick Fury sitting in a large, leather chair wearing only a single sock. However, you are quick to note that the sock does not reside on his foot. His arms lay upon the armrest of the chair as his hands cusp the edge of them. With his right index finger, Fury caresses the fine stitching of the chair as he gazes deeply forward into your eyes.
He uses his left index finger to point out of view. The camera pans over to a shelf which holds several championship titles of wrestling promotion's past. As the view rest on the display, Fury in all of his glory walks from the edge of the screen, his glutes seemingly made of steel. Reaching the shelf, Dick turns sideways, resting an arm on top and in front of the various championships.
"These titles represent each time someone thought they could take Dick and leave the ring unbroken and unmangled."
Dick moves his hand up and across the first one until it reaches the top. He then pushes it off of the edge and to the floor.
"Each one represents someone whom thought that if they say something that made them sound tough, or went online and wrote a blog about their week, they would intimidate Dick."
The second championship suffers the same fate as the first as it no longer resides on the shelf, but the floor as Dick steps back to the next.
"They represent the lies that other tell not only themselves, but to anyone whom will listen."
The last title falls, leaving the one full shelf as bare as Dick Fury's ass. He turns, back against the shelf and his arms out. They now rest against the top of the empty shelf, holding him up in almost a Christ-like formation.
"Just like those whom held the titles before Dick.... they really don't mean shit."
His mouth turns into a slight, confident smirk.
"All that matters is the present. All that matters is the goal ahead. The Paramount Championship.... and relinquishing it from yet another false King of Wrestling."
Fury's neck tilts back, his face pointing to the ceiling and his chest slightly pushing out. He lets out a long and loud sigh before returning to a normal stance.
"But, just like each and every time before Dick is shoved into a tight spot before he is able to take what is rightfully his."
Fury begins to slowly walk forward, the camera backing up to keep with him.
"Three others and Dick. Dick and three others. No matter how you say it, it sounds the same."
The camera comes to a halt as we can only assume it is back into a wall. Dick continues to walk. Right before passing the camera, he finishes his statement.
"It sounds like an unnecessary bore."
The camera moves forward and turns to follow Dick into a hall way. He continues to speak as they make their way down.
"There is plenty of Dick in the foursomes he has three nights of the week. To be honest, they really aren't fun anymore."
Dick comes to a door. He turns around to face the camera, leaning back on it with his arms crossed and a foot propped up behind him.
"Especially with who is in this match."
He rolls his eyes.
"Take Krazie and Salamander Hayes for example."
From off screen, he can be heard being correct that it was Xander, not Salamander.
"These two have done nothing to earn a chance to compete with the likes of Dick for a shot at a championship. Before reading the email telling Dick of his next booking, to be honest, Dick had never even heard of these two fucks."
His face shows signs of being underwhelmed.
"Maybe they are big shots to themselves in their own minds in the CWF, maybe not. No one really gives two shits. Dick sees them as two guys that some guy in creative felt sorry for and thought he'd pull a make-a-wish and give them a false hope by saying 'Here ya go.. you get a chance to become a champion some day!' before giving them an ice cream and letting them get back to licking windows."
You can tell by his body language, Dick can not comprehend placing people who aren't close to formidable in situations like this.
"But Christian Starr... now there is someone who Dick can really sink his teeth into. There is someone who is a challenge and worthy of not only this match but a shot at the championship...."
He pauses before taking a deep breath.
"Of course, minutes after seeing his name an update came in and Dick found out Starr had to back out of the match and would be replaced by Eclipse."
A heavy sigh with an extreme eye roll follows.
"That's fine. Dick is new to the Championship Wrestling Federation, Eclipse is new. Two news guys getting an opportunity of a lifetime because someone who deserves the shot had to take time off and two other paint sniffers were shown some pity."
Dick smirks again.
"Then opened his mouth after he jumped online and threw a video up."
Unimpressed, Dick continues. This time he uses his hands and body more as he speaks in a condescending tone.
"Angry words! Violence! SO EXTREEEMMMMEEE!"
Dick really moves his hands around during the 'extreme.' He then takes his right hand down to his crotch area, moves it up and down three times before flicking it out and blowing a raspberry.
"Shut the fuck up with that stupid fucking cliche. No one gives two fucks about you, or the five thousand other backyard brawlers before you who all said the same stupid fucking shit."
He spits on the floor with a disrespect higher than he has given almost anyone else. A spit more ferocious than any MJF has ever done in the back of an 84 Accord to try and further her 'career.'
"You want Dick to bring toys to use at Evolution? You want to get rough? Huh? Do you?"
He grabs the handle of the door and flings it open. The sight before you is memorizing as well as a bit uncomfortable. Wall to wall.. even the floor covered in them....
"No fucking problem. Dick has plenty of toys to shove up your unoriginal ass and down your cock smoker!"
He slams the door shut. He is now in almost a full rage.
"Come on Eclipse... talk more shit to Dick. Come the fuck on."
He uses his hands to physically invite Eclipse to step up.
"You want to play with Dick? You think it's a fucking game?"
His eyes open wide, his playful demeanor is something of the past.
"Don't think for one fucking second when a chance at putting gold in the hands of Dick, will he come to fucking play stupid fucking games with stupid fucking people."
Fury steps closer to the camera.
"Cause when it's all said and done... when you have been left broken in both mind and body.... there will be only one thing left that can be said. That you have truly.... felt... the..."
He moves in just a bit more.
Dick grabs the camera lens and slams it back as the feed abruptly comes to a halt.