As the stream begins to play, a studio band begins to play an instrumental version of My Dick by Mickey Avalon. The camera pans across a small studio audience who are clapping and cheering before zooming across the Late Night D stage, resting on it.
Through the curtains, Dick Fury comes out, note cards in hand. The studio claps even more as he rocks a nice white suit set topped off with a red shirt. Dick raises his hands to quiet the audience, smiling as he stands.
Fury: Thank you, thank you. It's always good knowing how much everybody loves Dick!
Finally the clapping subsides as Dick adjust the cards.
Fury: Welcome everybody to Late Night D, back by popular demand! You asked for more Dick so you will get all the Dick you can handle!
More clapping before Dick raises his hand to quiet them.
Fury: Tonight Dick has a very special guest. But first... your weekly top ten...
Dick briefly glances at the note cards before lowering his hands and thrusting his hips out while pointing to his crotch area. More clapping. Dick gives a cheesy grin before pulling the cards back up to read them.
Fury: The category tonight, the top ten reasons why Bobby Dean is the best recent hire to the CWF.
The fans hoot and holler. Dick quiets them down.
Fury: Number ten...
He looks at the card.
Fury: He is so clumsy, he will fall on each person he faces and cause them to not be able to get free before the count of three.
The fans clap.
Fury: Number nine... because of number ten, he will inadvertently kill MJ Flair, thus doing the country a favor and everyone on the roster will owe it to him to give him the win.
A small MJF chant breaks out.
Fury: Number eight...
Dick flips through the cards.
Fury: This is boring. The number one reason Bobby Dean is the best new hire to the CWF... have you seen those massive chesticles?!
The fans cheer and clap as Dick throws the cards out toward them before turning and heading around his desk and sitting down. He adjust himself, taking a sip from the mug filled with what we can only suspect is Irish coffee his assistant had prepared for him. As he sits the mug down, he nods off screen as if saying that this is good.
Fury: Thank you everybody for coming to see Dick tonight. He has a very special guest joining him shortly. This guest has a history with the Championship Wrestling Federation.
A small Andy Murray chant breaks out. Dick raises his hand to calm them down.
Fury: No, no.. Not Andy Murray.
A small Christian Starr chant begins. Onces again, Dick motions for the fans to stop.
Fury: Not it either.
Dick smiles big.
Fury: This person, making his return to the CWF...
The fans clap and cheer.
Fury: That's right.. Coming right up is the Championship Wrestling Federation's own.. Jace Valentine.
Cheers, claps, and a few boos as Dick turns and looks into the camera.
Fury: We'll be right back with Jace Valentine. Don't go anywhere.
We fade into a shot of Dick Fury in an empty ring. It is obviously a small venue as the seats are close. The camera zooms in on him.
Fury: Do you like Dick?
A giant YES zooms in and hits the screen before going away.
Fury: Do you want to tell the world how much you enjoy Dick?
Another YES swoops in from the side of screen and continues as it heads out the other side.
Fury: Then put Dick on your chest! That's right. For the low price of twenty nine ninety five you too can join the millions who have already put Dick on their chest and purchase of the two new Dick Fury t-shirts!
We get a shot of the shirts.
Fury: In both men's, and women's, from size zero to XXXL for those big and beautiful bitches who love Dick on their chest... the new officially licensed Dick Fury t-shirts.
A number comes across the screen.
Fury: So put Dick on your chest and call 1-800-GiveMeD today! Kids... don't bother asking your parents.. you too can get Dick on your chest! Just call and charge it to your parent's phone bill!
We switch to a busty blonde woman wearing a Dick Fury shirt.
Woman: I love Dick!
She jumps up and down before we go to a very good looking man, also wearing a Dick Fury shirt.
Man: I really... REALLY.. like Dick.
We head back to Fury.
Fury: So if you like Dick, like these two like Dick.. get your own Dick Fury shirt today as supplies are limited!
A small print warning comes up. It goes back very quick, but we can only assume it says that kids should not call and charge shirts to their parent's phone bills.
As we return to the show the fans clap and Dick holds his hand up.
Fury: Alright ladies and gentlemen lets bring out Championship Wrestling Federation's Jace Valentine!
We've Had Enough by Alkaline Trio begins to play in the background as Jace enters through the curtains wearing a brand new, CWF licensed, Jace Valentine shirt. Dick stands and claps as Jace waves to the fans in the crowd.
They shake hands before he motions for Jace to have a seat. Jace smirks toward the crowd who gives him a positive, yet mixed, reaction.
Fury: So Jace, you recently returned to the CWF. Why?
Taken back a bit by the condescending sounding question, Jace adjust himself in his seat and begins to answer.
Valentine: I guess that's the million dollar question, isn't it, Dick?
Fury gives a grin and a nod.
Valentine: Jace Valentine didn't come back to save the world. No, I came back to save entertainment. I came back to the CWF because I watched one episode and I realized I could do this shit twice as good as the next guy, and with half as much effort.
Fury: Funny. That's why Dick is here too.
Valentine: Hey, it's only the truth.
Dick seems more please as he continues.
Fury: You're facing Dorian Hawkhurst in the End Games qualifying match on Evolution. It's a hardcore match. What are your feelings going into it?
Valentine: It's been a while since I stepped into the ring. My feelings?
Fury: Yes. What's going through your head?
Valentine: I feel rested, refreshed and rearing to go. As far as the surroundings, I'm fine with it. I bend the limits of the rules, whatever they are. I find a way to get an edge and I cut right through it.
Dick nods in agreement as he listens.
Valentine: I've been in hardcore matches and I've been in hardcore shoots. I'm unleashing the fury, if you know what I mean. At Evolution 26, Dorian Hawkhurst is just going to end up with egg on his face.
Fury: Dick's seen Dorian and doesn't think ending up with something on his face will be a new feeling.
They both laugh a bit.
Fury: Do you really think you can go all the way to Summer Games and win the championship?
Dick ends the question with an intrigued look.
Valentine: There's no doubt in my mind. Watch it all back and you will see that Jace climbed to the top of the mountain. Then, when the whole world counted him out, he did it all again. If anything, my exploits show just how low I am willing to go to get what I want. I can be despicable, but a gold belt around my waist makes me forget all about that. That belt belongs to me, and I'm coming back for what's mine.
Fury takes a bit of a breath as he sucks air through his teeth a bit.
Fury: Yea... ummm...
Fury: That was kind of a trick question.
Valentine: Why's that?
Fury: Because everyone already knows how this will end.
Jace looks puzzled.
Valentine: How's that?
Fury: Dick wins in the end. Simple as that.
Jace chuckles but Dick has a look of seriousness on his face.
Valentine: Well, I'll just have to agree to disagree Dick. But hey, I love the competition!
Dick's eyes pierce through Jace Valentine for a moment before he cracks a smile and points at his guest.
Fury: Well, good luck out there Jace. Dick thinks that when we get to end of Summer Games, Dick and Valentine will tear the house down.
Valentine: I can get on board with that.
Fury: Thanks for joining Dick tonight.
Valentine: Hey, I always love spending my night with a good Dick!
The crowd laughs and Fury smiles as well.
Fury: That's a well known fact from what Dick hears.
Valentine: Hey now!
Fury just smiles and the two begin shaking hands and speaking inaudibly over some house band music. Finally, Dick turns back tot he camera.
Fury: Dick wants to thank Jace Valentine for joining him here tonight as well as the fans for tuning in. Head over to the official CWF Shopzone to get your new Jace Valentine or Dick Fury t-shirts, as well as pre-order one of your favorite CWF superstar's new action figures. Available only at the CWF Shopzone.
Dick pulls a Jace Valentine action figure box out from under his desk for the camera to see. Jace reaches over and ask if he can see it. Dick hands it to him. As Jace enjoys checking out the new figure, Dick continues.
Fury: Catch Evolution every week, and don't forget to order Summer Games on August 7th. Thanks for tuning in!
The fans clap as Dick and Jace stand up, shake hands again, and the house band plays us out.
Results compiled and archived with the Efed Management Suite
"The concession stands are now selling those cheap hotel room round soap disks that I have personally blessed for $100’s a bar….AND SINNERS….I suggest you buy one, and use it, because if you think your God wants you in his heaven smelling like a 3am New York City uber ride you got another thing coming."