The Lost Boys - That Aren't So Lost

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MiaRayne
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The Lost Boys - That Aren't So Lost

Post by MiaRayne » Sat Feb 23, 2019 8:40 am

Alright - First things first... Welcome back Sam and Dean! It's been a while and I'm happy for one to see that you're back from wherever you had them exiled.

First thing's first. Date up at the top says Feb 13th, but then in the first couple of sentences of the rp, it says the eve of the 23rd. Might have just been an oversight, I'm guilty of doing stuff like this in the past, but it was one of the first things I noticed. There was no other reference of Feb. 13th in the rp, no flashbacks, or anything like that, so I went through waiting to be told what that significance was. It didn't take anything away from the rp by and large, just me being nitpicky.

Second thing: I think I remember a conversation once upon a time where we discussed dialogue with dem boys. Getting some sort of a clarifier in your rps to indicate who is speaking I personally think (my opinion) would go a long way to help you out. With no clear indicator to determine who is speaking, things can get jumbled and I get lost in a sea of Aussies... Which, in retrospect isn't necessarily a bad thing per say... An example of what I'm talking about though would be:

“How many times have you told me mate, no one ain’t above second chances and makin’ up for mistakes. God knows I made heaps in my time. But if you’re tellin’ me there ain’t hope for you, then you might as well condemn me to the great BBQ down below. You’re the only family I got left. You and maybe Jess one day, if you don’t fuck it up again. Stop bein’ a sook and talk about how we can fix this.”

If you look in the paragraph before, there's no real indication who is talking here. Because I know history of The Boys, I gathered once I got to the part with Jess, but that's only because I knew Jess is/was Dean's girlfriend and it wouldn't make since for him to be talking like that, so I assumed it's Sam. Does that make sense? I hope so but I'll be happy to elaborate if need be.

Outside of that did you know that it took me this long to realize this is one big Supernatural reference? I feel special. You are by far the king of working pop culture references into your works and while it's easy to see the nod toward that particular reference, you make The Boys their own individual characters that so happen to share first names and drive the same car with the Winchester's. You allow them to have their own story and don't allow for the reference to define your characters, which is important, kudos on that front.

One last point: I love reading The Lost Boys and usually I have a great deal of hardship trying to translate different vernaculars and slang. I'm not opposed to doing it, because it only widens my world view, it just gets tedious at times. Dallas, I say this with all the love my cold and dead heart can muster.... Thank you so much for your glossary at the bottom of all of your Lost Boys rps. You did it once upon a time when they were still champs and you're picking it back up like nothing changed. I applaud you for that because not many authors care for their readers enough to do little things like that. Hats off to you sir!

Overall, I loved your rp and I look forward to seeing The Boys back in CWF. I'm especially looking forward to seeing how they respond to how much the landscape has changed and see what they have in store for everyone on the roster. Welcome back boys!!! <3
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

ImpaktLost
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Post by ImpaktLost » Sat Feb 23, 2019 8:53 am

Crap. Yeah the dates was a typo...if Rish allows I'll fix it. They are supposed to be two different scenes at different times. Mispress of a number button.

I relied too heavily on the implied signifier of their different speech patterns (Sam has the clipped words - in' instead of ing and more slang).
But will think on that a bit more

MiaRayne
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Post by MiaRayne » Sat Feb 23, 2019 9:42 am

ImpaktLost wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 8:53 am
Crap. Yeah the dates was a typo...if Rish allows I'll fix it. They are supposed to be two different scenes at different times. Mispress of a number button.

I relied too heavily on the implied signifier of their different speech patterns (Sam has the clipped words - in' instead of ing and more slang).
But will think on that a bit more
I picked up on the differences, but as I mentioned in the chat, I'm quite the odd bird. I was doubtful of adding modifers into my rps (How I format my rps and dialogue like the shows are formatted) but it has done me wonders on a personal level. I'm not saying that it will be the same for you, but maybe it will help? I see what you're talking about how they both speak differently, but you also have to remember that while some of us were here for The Lost Boys last year, a lot of people currently here have never seen them in action before, or read a Lost Boys rp. While I might be able to differentiate between the two speech styles, that's only because I'm used to the rps, if that makes sense.
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

Rish
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Post by Rish » Sun Feb 24, 2019 4:59 pm

First things first, it was really an enjoyable experience seeing The Lost Boys back in action, as a unit, as a true blue friendship. We start off with a very sad moment, Dean Coulter at the grave of him and Sam's friend Bobby Walker. Sam is quickly there after, and after the two of them have a bit of an apology fest, they are back to the pair that we all know and love. I always loved the usage of words that I sometimes have no idea what they mean as far as Australian "slang", especially because you give us a little glossary at the end of your RPs that tell us those meanings. I have attempted to write my RPs in this style recently for Hostility, and it didn't come easy for me by any means at first. You excel in the way you write your work, whether it's Zach van Owen, Colton Mace, and especially the Lost Boys. Dean and Sam are a pair that I know most if not all of us have missed, and this RP shows just why.

I love that we find the two of them eventually on a beach, as if we're flashing back to the beginning. Getting back to the basics. You bring just enough description words into the actions in between each character's dialogue that I can really picture myself seeing these two's conversation. The only thing I would say as a criticism and it's not really even that, is what is the feeling of Dean about Ouroboros? Doesn't he think that even through everything that happened they may still have agents watching after him? I know this has been covered before, but I feel like in reading this the two of them may have been too jovial and not "watching over their shoulders" I guess.

This was a great piece. Any other tag team in CWF or Hostility, including and especially the Tag Team Champions Kendo and The Crimson Ghost!, need to be on the look out.

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