Quentin Scarboro

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nob_ody
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 7:43 pm

Quentin Scarboro

Post by nob_ody » Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:25 am

So I'm reading Quentin's debut(or at least I think it's his debut? I'm still not entirely sure where everything is, I'm still kind of a tourist here, hello.) here:

http://cwf.ewmania.com/rp/516

And uhh, I'm just gonna write things over here as I think of them over there. Starting....

NOW

I really like it so far, I love the depth of Quentin and his wife, I love how grounded in the world they both feel, as well as their environment. I'm wondering if the 'viewers' of CWF are seeing any of this, or if this writing is just for us the audience. I've been writing everything through the lens of a camera, just because I don't know what the policy is here on something like that.

Mathmagician is right, they are wizards and we should not trust their witchy wizardy ways...it just doesn't add up.

I was going to critique the fact that we're getting all this backstory information, because overall I'm a fan of any information in an rp/promo relating to the character's current match, however directly or indirectly. But, the bit with him in the closet, I think this is very relevant, it clues us in to how he reacts during a panicked situation. I also like that the shooter, so far, hasn't jobbed to Quentin. Like, this is a real situation.

Ohp, black friend died. Better luck next time, Greg! At least he didn't go to Camp Crystal Lake to smoke doobies with his girlfriend, there's that at least.

And the shooter eats a hell of a Spear from Quentin, and we discover that his girl is a goner. So, Quentin should use a Spear as a finisher because of this rp, and he should name it "Miss Ella Kingsbury", to give a bit of a tear jerker every time he uses it.

So, I like the rest of this rp, I like that we see his beautiful life slipping through his fingers, and most importantly we're understanding why this guy would choose to be a professional wrestler, which let's be honest is like one step up from carny work most of the time, unless you're one of the few who sets popular culture on fire. Yeah, I like this character's vibe so far, I'm digging it. I like that he's now a nasty personality, judging on how he regards his opponents, I like that he's at kind of a low point even if he's deflecting and playing it off with his pa. I want to see how this character changes and adapts over time, no doubt. Great first showing, dude.

QScarboro
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:00 pm

Post by QScarboro » Sun Feb 10, 2019 5:36 pm

Thanks for the insight, good to see some of the things I was going for come back up on the reader's end. I know I promised to feedback back, and I'm about to read through yours, but figured I would use this reply to clear a few things up first.

This was my first RP ever with this character, and in story, this is Q's first ever pro wrestling experience. My original intention leading up this match was to do one piece focused on his backstory, and then another focused more on the match. It became obvious that I wouldn't be able to do the second half as I wanted, and the second half is admittedly a bit underdeveloped in comparison.

Ella was not Quentin's wife. Long time girlfriend, implied "soul mate" and even possibly fiancee, but never married. As far as being able to see things through the eye of a camera, think of the excerpt of the book as a Lifetime movie/documentary with Q narrating. The important thing to take from this story is the tragedy that has shaped his life up until this point, and in a way, drill home the fact that financially he benefitted from the situation.

In regards to the spear, I considered having the move as a signature of Q's but at the same time felt it was tacky, generic, and stereotypical for a footballer to resort to that move. I do dig the name however :p

With the tag match seen as a "preview" of PGP, my focus wasn't on the match so much as it was on establishing the character and previewing what to do expect from him moving forward. I wanted to weave that foundation of backstory/character development and leave as many "branches" to build off of in future RPs as I could possibly fit into one introductory piece. Thanks again.
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QScarboro
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Post by QScarboro » Sun Feb 10, 2019 7:46 pm

It was an enjoyable read, indeed. I feel like you didn't delve in to the bare bones of the character too much in this one, so I am not sure I have a firm grasp on the character concept. Likely an effect of me reading chapter 5 before chapter 1,so to speak, but I think I was able to pick up on some of the details.

To me, the name Crimson Ghost invokes imagery of the typical darkness type guy, but he really isn't that one dimensional...he's eccentric, relatable, and if anything...a bit goofy.

I saw it mentioned in another tread that Crimson and Kendo were comparable to Santino and Koslov, and I feel like it is an interesting dynamic, fresh and something I don't think really has been done in CWF for as long as I can remember.

As a writer, you set the scene as well as anyone and through your descriptions it really feels as a reader that I am there in that moment, or at least "watching." The match references were done pretty well, and even as someone new to reading the character I feel that I am much closer to understanding his nuances as I was before reading, so with that, you did a wonderful job. Good luck with your match.
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MiaRayne
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Post by MiaRayne » Mon Feb 11, 2019 4:49 am

QScarboro wrote:
Sun Feb 10, 2019 7:46 pm
I saw it mentioned in another tread that Crimson and Kendo were comparable to Santino and Koslov, and I feel like it is an interesting dynamic, fresh and something I don't think really has been done in CWF for as long as I can remember.
Welcome! :D

True to my word I'll get to reading your rp now John. I'm hoping it will inspire me to get in the mood to write
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
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MiaRayne
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Post by MiaRayne » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:27 am

Well shite.

I'm honestly not sure what I was expecting when I opened up that rp to read. Something goofy? Dark? Deranged? Happy go lucky sun flowers and rainbows? Unicorns? Plucky? Maybe with a side of Jace coming back from the dead?

But no.

I got serious and went to a place that I wasn't expecting to go to. A broom closet during an active shooter situation. I felt the pain in Quentin's story and while you wrote like something bad was on its way after the foreshadowing church sign, I still wasn't expecting an active shooter situation. It was well played and it sets you up for an amazing back story to draw from. The pain and darkness that a human psyche goes through daily is brutal. The anguish and everything else that is added on top of that due to trauma? Eek. Even I am nervous going down that bunny hole.

That said, I felt that it was an amazing intro rp, I felt introducing the backstory by way of an excerpt from a book written by the character was a fantastic writing tool that you used to its best potential. There were some grammar issues I picked up on that took me several times reading over, trying to guess the right word that you were going for, and then finally moving on after giving up. I get like that too and usually end up changing my sentence structure, others just sub words. Hold on... I have an example...

"without a second thought I hoisted that mop up in the air, sending it through the sky like a javelin into the chest of the accomplice. He staggers backwards, dropping the shotgun."

The word "accomplice" to me means a partner, or a coworker. I reread this sentence several times over to try and figure it out, thinking that there might have been a second person or maybe Q shot the mop toward the shotgun itself? Maybe you meant "assailant?" Not sure, but if I'm not mistaken this was the only instance of word subbing that I found. There were MINOR grammatical errors (comma splices, not enough commas, etc) that don't really take away from the overall quality of the product that you're pumping out.

After reading I think Q has all the potential in the world to go far in the CWF and I'm looking forward to reading more :)
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

QScarboro
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:00 pm

Post by QScarboro » Mon Feb 11, 2019 1:31 pm

MiaRayne wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:27 am
The word "accomplice" to me means a partner, or a coworker. I reread this sentence several times over to try and figure it out, thinking that there might have been a second person or maybe Q shot the mop toward the shotgun itself? Maybe you meant "assailant?"
Yes, yes, that's the word I was looking for. :P Thank you for the kind statements. Will return the favor when I get a moment today.
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Big Q is gonna kill you.

MiaRayne
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Post by MiaRayne » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:06 pm

QScarboro wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 1:31 pm
MiaRayne wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:27 am
The word "accomplice" to me means a partner, or a coworker. I reread this sentence several times over to try and figure it out, thinking that there might have been a second person or maybe Q shot the mop toward the shotgun itself? Maybe you meant "assailant?"
Yes, yes, that's the word I was looking for. :P Thank you for the kind statements. Will return the favor when I get a moment today.
No rush sir. I know I promised and I'm trying to get better at keeping promises when it comes to feedback. Muy important
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

Bagman
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Post by Bagman » Fri Feb 15, 2019 3:52 pm

So far I'm liking this new character, and having known you for years I can tell you it's definitely a different feel like you've done with your previous ones. That's the one thing about your writing I can say, being a fellow multi-character handler, your characters never feel like the same "style" of story even if they are in the same RP. Each one has a distinictive voice and this one is definitely a departure from your previous work. First off a few things.

The hardest thing to write is a true babyface. Good luck, but so far you are on the right track. Keeping the backstory coming makes it really easy to root for him, but that can only get you so far. Your focus on his relationship with his dad in this one builds up on that. This guy is a good guy, but you aren't hammering it into our heads which is a good thing. You're pulling off what you need to pull off. The big thing is going to be how this guy handles defeat and how he improves. That's gonna be your tricky part. I am wondering just how he's gonna come up with his particular style, if he gets training, etc.

Keep up the good work.

The Weaver of Dreams
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Post by The Weaver of Dreams » Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:56 pm

The dreaded first rp with a brandnew character. I think that your approach to properly introduce the back story of Quentin is working really, really well, the narrative of the active shooter scene is compelling and emotionally dense and makes the distress he is going through almost palpable. It works very well in giving the reader the background as to what made Quentin what is is now. Then the switch to the here and now and the inner struggle to come to terms with going from prospective first pick in the NFL to a complete rookie in CWF also works well.

Like you said, the second half feels a little underdeveloped, but it is you coming in with a new character after having been gone for several months, going against people that are new to you as well, so it comes with the territory that it cannot be as fleshed out as one would like, but your rp definitely succeeded in establishing who your character is and how he got where he is now, building an excellent platform to work off now :)
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DemonOfSobriety
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Post by DemonOfSobriety » Mon Feb 18, 2019 1:35 am

I know that I am a little late getting to this. Had a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes on my end.

This is style is different, and I think your real life journalistic side comes through in the way you are writing this character. It's hard to add to what has already been said, as Mia and Shadow have both said things very well. As you get a feel for the character, I am sure the second half that Shadow had mentioned will come along as well.
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