Re: Xander Haze Feedback Thread

This is the forum where you give show reviews for the weekly Evolution shows as well as PPVs. You can also request feedback for a specific roleplay, graphic, segment or anything of your liking for the masses to review your work.

Moderator: MiaRayne

Post Reply
Pandora's Box
Posts: 54
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 10:04 pm

Re: Xander Haze Feedback Thread

Post by Pandora's Box » Sat Feb 09, 2019 6:03 pm

Here we go I was was a bit nervous to write this RP tell me what you think?
http://cwf.ewmania.com/rp/519
Image

MiaRayne
Posts: 672
Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 2:56 am
Location: Diet Canada
Contact:

Post by MiaRayne » Mon Feb 11, 2019 9:34 am

Originally I was going to bump this post for visibility. Then I realized that I have time to read your rp now, so why not? You came back to us, you deserve some feedbacking and I'm happy to have you back. With that said...

I honestly don't believe you have much work to do in terms of character development. You have a story, you have your character react appropriately to stimuli, and you have all the makings of a great story in general. I enjoyed the "catch up" theme that you have going on in this rp, especially after being gone for those months.

Two things I'd keep an eye on to improve:

1.) Grammar and spelling. I will harp on this forever and a day, but basic capitalization, spelling, comma work can all go a long way in getting your story across. Everything is there, you just need to fine tune it all to make it easier for your reader to read. I know it is just small details, but the smallest things in rps make a world of difference when it comes time to step up and take the reigns as a champion.

2.) Match Talk: I know you've been gone for months on end and there was a lot to catch your readers up on in terms of Xander and what he's been up to. The formula I started using was peppering match talk throughout my rp. Have a character development section, get to the end of it, and do another section that is internal thoughts on the current match. Finish that or leave it hanging, go back to CD, lather, rinse and repeat. It's a formula that I got from someone in a feedback thread and I have adapted to make my own. Here is where I challenge you to do the same. Getting the right amount of CD and match talk into a rp is crucial and incredibly tricky to do, but it is indeed doable. This is where you should start experimenting with different formats in your rps and find what works best for you as a writer. I promise that once you find what does work, writing rps turns into a breeze and elaborating your story turns into a fun journey to take your readers on.

Outside of those two things though, I think Xander Haze is set up for nothing more than success.
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

Pandora's Box
Posts: 54
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 10:04 pm

Post by Pandora's Box » Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:16 pm

thanks for that not gonna lie when It comes to match talk I always find my mind going blank.
Image

MiaRayne
Posts: 672
Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 2:56 am
Location: Diet Canada
Contact:

Post by MiaRayne » Mon Feb 11, 2019 6:53 pm

Pandora's Box wrote:
Mon Feb 11, 2019 5:16 pm
thanks for that not gonna lie when It comes to match talk I always find my mind going blank.
You are in good company. One year ago is when I first started here in CWF and the biggest thing I had to work on when I got feedback?

Match talk.

Practice makes better and this just goes back to finding something that works for you and your writing style. I have complete faith you'll find it, but it is something that needs to be found for yourself. I'll be more than happy to help along the way if need be too :)
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

Pandora's Box
Posts: 54
Joined: Wed May 23, 2018 10:04 pm

Post by Pandora's Box » Wed Feb 13, 2019 2:21 am

Thanks :D
Image

Post Reply