Feedback for the Angel of Death

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azrael
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Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 1:21 am

Feedback for the Angel of Death

Post by azrael » Thu Dec 06, 2018 1:21 am

I started off very mopey in the fed because I was in a very mopey kind of place. I still travel back there from time to time, but not as often or as strong. As I have read reviews and there seems to be a common thread regarding character. To summarize, I apparently hit on something bringing about the holy warrior persona, but after that it has fallen flat. So what I am doing that is causing this fall off? Could it be that I am stretching my stories lines out too long, dragging them on before the pay off? What can I do better?

Is the Angel of Death and Avenging Angel arc confusing to people?

I am looking for some feed back, positive or negative, as it can all help make me a better writer. Thanks.
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The Weaver of Dreams
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Post by The Weaver of Dreams » Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:12 am

I found the new Azrael interesting and intriguing, because it had more character, more personality. Where things started to awry was when you kept doing the radio show thing over and over again, which did not show any progression, but felt like you were just rewarming the same over and over again, taking away the interesting edge you had started to build. You also started to fall back into old patterns, like when you would say that you would lay down for Christer, if it made him feel better and help him. You put Azrael back into a position of awkward weakness instead of building upon the dual angel thing, which had started to gain momentum and display power.

Try to focus on Azrael's new character traits again instead of going into the stories that venture more into philosophical territory than things pertaining to the character himself. This should provide you with more of a linear story than one that meanders back and forth and in the end barely brings you forward, if that makes sense. You had started to make Azrael intriguing for the reader and give them something to get invested in, where they would want to see where you would go next. You actually were to a good part responsible for me bringing in Christer, because I felt that you would have an adversary that you could use to build your new storyline around and on top of and provide you with a jumping off point to launch, but instead I saw this kind of complacency creep back in, where you seemed content with where you were and stopped pushing.

I don't think that there is much for you needed to change the course, but just to re-focus what you already had and try to take that and re-build the momentum. And maybe have a clearer vision of where you really want to go with Azrael and then use that goal to write the story while bringing in your match talk.
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azrael
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Post by azrael » Fri Dec 07, 2018 1:46 am

The laying down was just to continue to show a softer, more flexible side. A side that he was willing to do anything to help anyone. Maybe I should focus more on talking, and if talking doesn't work, start with agression, building up to the ultimate form in the Avenging Angel. I'll go back and re-read some of the first ones that I did as the new Azrael to see what character and personality he had.

I believe you are right, that I did stop pushing because I was unsure of where to go next after this story unfolded for him. Trying to stretch it out until I could plan the next one, which caused the meandering and lack of forward momentum.

Thank you very much for the insight. It has given me some things to think about, and some things to keep in mind with the character and development.
The Weaver of Dreams wrote:
Thu Dec 06, 2018 5:12 am
I found the new Azrael interesting and intriguing, because it had more character, more personality. Where things started to awry was when you kept doing the radio show thing over and over again, which did not show any progression, but felt like you were just rewarming the same over and over again, taking away the interesting edge you had started to build. You also started to fall back into old patterns, like when you would say that you would lay down for Christer, if it made him feel better and help him. You put Azrael back into a position of awkward weakness instead of building upon the dual angel thing, which had started to gain momentum and display power.

Try to focus on Azrael's new character traits again instead of going into the stories that venture more into philosophical territory than things pertaining to the character himself. This should provide you with more of a linear story than one that meanders back and forth and in the end barely brings you forward, if that makes sense. You had started to make Azrael intriguing for the reader and give them something to get invested in, where they would want to see where you would go next. You actually were to a good part responsible for me bringing in Christer, because I felt that you would have an adversary that you could use to build your new storyline around and on top of and provide you with a jumping off point to launch, but instead I saw this kind of complacency creep back in, where you seemed content with where you were and stopped pushing.

I don't think that there is much for you needed to change the course, but just to re-focus what you already had and try to take that and re-build the momentum. And maybe have a clearer vision of where you really want to go with Azrael and then use that goal to write the story while bringing in your match talk.
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DemonOfSobriety
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Post by DemonOfSobriety » Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:52 am

I struggle with this at times. I feel like Dorian has been pinballing around between the Glass Ceiling and Hostile Takeover. My last few RPs have almost literally been trying to figure out what direction he is heading. I'm starting more down that road because Dorian showing up for his match drunk a couple shows back is not supposed to be a one off and then he's magically sober again. I touch on that in my most recent RP.

With KC3, there will be more character progression coming. I had some issues dealing with my daughters and their school this week, which included three consecutive days of bomb threats and an angry school board meeting, so I didn't get to do much with that this week. Having said that, I think, as Jim can tell you, once I position KC3 in the right spot, you will see the paradigm shift.
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MiaRayne
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Post by MiaRayne » Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:59 am

azrael wrote:
Fri Dec 07, 2018 1:46 am
The laying down was just to continue to show a softer, more flexible side. A side that he was willing to do anything to help anyone. Maybe I should focus more on talking, and if talking doesn't work, start with agression, building up to the ultimate form in the Avenging Angel. I'll go back and re-read some of the first ones that I did as the new Azrael to see what character and personality he had.

I believe you are right, that I did stop pushing because I was unsure of where to go next after this story unfolded for him. Trying to stretch it out until I could plan the next one, which caused the meandering and lack of forward momentum.
A big part of this hobby and one of the most rewarding parts is seeing what you get, after giving so much. When I write as a character, I always ask what they would do in a given situation and how they would react. That's usually my jumping off point before seeing where that line of questioning gets me and probably why most of what I write is based on getting reactions. With Azrael I think you might just find it easy to sink back into old patterns because they're comfy and they worked for a little while, but that isn't what you need.

Keep blazing forward on the path of uncertainty. No one knows our own futures but the best part about this hobby is that you get to know your character's. Unsure how to proceed? Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and put yourself in Azrael's shoes and go from there. Like Alex, I was pretty excited to see the AoD story but saw it quickly falling into old patterns because you found a working formula that unfortunately grew stale. Also, don't be afraid to reach out to people that you want to work with. It sounds silly but cooperating together and working on a joint story to see it all come to fruition is an amazing feeling. Find some people you enjoy working with and pitch your idea, be open for suggestions, and work together to make something great.

I do think you have something good going with Az, I just believe that you need to find a way to kick it into the next gear. You're the Archangel of Death, now what? Does he want gold? Is he after a list of people he has deemed as "unworthy" or whatever the case might be? The only person that can answer those questions would be Azrael, your creation. I know you can bring him to life, you're so close, keep going!
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

DemonOfSobriety
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Post by DemonOfSobriety » Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:20 am

MiaRayne wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:59 am
A big part of this hobby and one of the most rewarding parts is seeing what you get, after giving so much. When I write as a character, I always ask what they would do in a given situation and how they would react. That's usually my jumping off point before seeing where that line of questioning gets me and probably why most of what I write is based on getting reactions.
I think this is very important to keep in mind. With Dorian, I have him second guess himself all the time because of mistakes he's made in his past. That's actually part of why I hate writing my own matches is because if I don't know what will happen, I can react organically when they do happen.
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MiaRayne
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Post by MiaRayne » Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:22 am

DemonOfSobriety wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:20 am
MiaRayne wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:59 am
A big part of this hobby and one of the most rewarding parts is seeing what you get, after giving so much. When I write as a character, I always ask what they would do in a given situation and how they would react. That's usually my jumping off point before seeing where that line of questioning gets me and probably why most of what I write is based on getting reactions.
I think this is very important to keep in mind. With Dorian, I have him second guess himself all the time because of mistakes he's made in his past. That's actually part of why I hate writing my own matches is because if I don't know what will happen, I can react organically when they do happen.
Also why I take using other characters that don't belong to me so seriously, at least part of the reason... ;)
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

azrael
Posts: 40
Joined: Thu May 24, 2018 1:21 am

Post by azrael » Sat Dec 08, 2018 7:49 pm

MiaRayne wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:59 am
A big part of this hobby and one of the most rewarding parts is seeing what you get, after giving so much. When I write as a character, I always ask what they would do in a given situation and how they would react. That's usually my jumping off point before seeing where that line of questioning gets me and probably why most of what I write is based on getting reactions. With Azrael I think you might just find it easy to sink back into old patterns because they're comfy and they worked for a little while, but that isn't what you need.
[/quote]

The old adage for writers is to write what you know. Unfortunately for me what I know is pretty bleak, somewhat weak and fairly mopey, or at least over the past year. Some of the old patterns and repeativeness and weakness that shows through happens in life. It was a way to release it. I'll still times like that, but now I can also see the opposite.

Moving him forward, determining what he is and take the story there. I have, as practice, tried to culminate story lines or things I precieve to be big character developments for big matches. I think it has worked against me, as the timing of the story and big matches didn't line up, causing what little moment I had going forward to stop, killing the moment, and losing interest.

Thank you everyone for the insights and advice. I truly appreciate it, and hopefully it will come back to bite you in the rear :lol:
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DemonOfSobriety
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Post by DemonOfSobriety » Sun Dec 09, 2018 12:41 am

Writing what you know is easy. Functionally, Dorian is me, with the only difference being the addiction. In real life, I am a cutter. Chloe is based on my daughter. Most of her material actually comes from her or is paraphrased from discussions we've had. Still, it's not always easy to write. Sometimes, you just have to take the time to find what works for you.
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MiaRayne
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Post by MiaRayne » Sun Dec 09, 2018 5:54 am

azrael wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 7:49 pm
MiaRayne wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 4:59 am

The old adage for writers is to write what you know. Unfortunately for me what I know is pretty bleak, somewhat weak and fairly mopey, or at least over the past year. Some of the old patterns and repeativeness and weakness that shows through happens in life. It was a way to release it. I'll still times like that, but now I can also see the opposite.

Moving him forward, determining what he is and take the story there. I have, as practice, tried to culminate story lines or things I precieve to be big character developments for big matches. I think it has worked against me, as the timing of the story and big matches didn't line up, causing what little moment I had going forward to stop, killing the moment, and losing interest.

Thank you everyone for the insights and advice. I truly appreciate it, and hopefully it will come back to bite you in the rear :lol:
Yeah... Mia Rayne is a character based on me. Everything she goes through is an over exaggerated version of a tale from my own life. I do it this way because it makes for a more realistic story telling experience. I might not be able to predict how someone else might act, but I can figure out how I would react in a situation and use that to guide my characters and their reactions.
"No great mind has existed without a touch of madness..."
~<3's moonlit walks and going tit for tat with Duce Jones~
Only person to own a pinfall victory over Caledonia <3
Semi colon.,Right Parenthesis.

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